13 Promises from a Father to his 6 Kids* (under the age of 10**)
1. I will point you to God and his glory.
2. Despite my repeated statements that life isn’t fair I will nevertheless try to be fair and explain myself when you don’t think I am.
3. I will remember that tickling can be abuse. If you want me to stop, tell me and I will. If you want me never to tickle you, tell me and I won’t.
4. I will not shame you. If my laughter at your behavior bothers you, tell me and I will stop.
5. I will avoid saying bad things about you to others.
6. I will consider what is in your heart, not just your actions, when I consider whether (or how much or in what way) to discipline you and what you should learn from the situation.
7. I will not expect you to be like your brother or sister.
8. I will recognize and point out when you do something well.
9. I will be reasonably discrete in the way that I discipline you.
10. I will bring you into life experiences that enrich your knowledge of life.
11. I will expect more from you tomorrow than I did yesterday.
12. I will pray for you and expect miracles.
13. You will not want for food, shelter, clothing or safety nor will you experience too much convenience.
Any suggestions?
* I should be careful here – I don’t want to make it sound like I always do this. Many of these are things that I am constantly working on. But this title sounds more catchy than “12 things that as a parent I think I should do, and want you (my children) to have confidence that I will do, but please don’t consider me to be a liar if I fall down on one of these every once in awhile, which is probably going to happen.”
** My thought is that these might change over time? But some of you know that better than me.
9 comments
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June 29, 2007 at 4:02 pm
Marie
I will make you fix toilets, change oil, replace the water heater, string the Christmas lights, put up the flag, repair the window, install the screen door, mow the lawn, and trim the sides. You will hate me for making you work, but you will benefit from this knowledge all your life.
June 30, 2007 at 9:56 pm
jamsco
Excellent, Marie. Thanks.
July 2, 2007 at 8:23 am
John M.
I will understand that one of my duties is to give you affection, and will understand that you do not owe ME affection – only respect.
July 2, 2007 at 12:13 pm
jamsco
John M, I need to think about it, but I think I agree.
July 2, 2007 at 8:27 pm
kbiel
John M,
I disagree. There is two kinds of respect: respect from love and respect from fear. Respect without affection means that they fear you. While some fear of your parents (e.g. disappointing them) is healthy, it is no basis for a parent-child relationship.
On the other hand, parents who are needy, who want to be their child’s friend are just a damaging. And I think that is what you were getting at. Perhaps it could be worded better:
I will unreservedly give you my affection and not expect you to be the adult in our relationship.
July 2, 2007 at 11:50 pm
dgsinclair
I will be faithful to your mother/father
I will not lie to you
I will apologize to you when I am wrong
I will never say “do as I say, not as I do” but will always endeavor to embody the truths I speak
I will support you in whatever career decision you make, as long as it is not immoral
July 3, 2007 at 6:49 am
John M.
kbiel, I think you worded it better than I did. My point is, that if the child withholds affection (for whatever reason, petulance, bad mood, etc), while still delivering respect, that does not give the adult an excuse to withold affection.
May 9, 2008 at 6:58 pm
Kiwi the Geek
I know I’m late to the party…
Sometimes part of the fun of tickling is protesting. I suggest having a word that means “really stop” so you can safely ignore the no’s between giggling. Of course, also noticing body language.
We also have different words for pretending to be mad vs. really mad. That reinforces the facial expression and tone of voice, just to be sure.
November 8, 2008 at 5:27 am
Chris
12. I will pray for you and expect miracles.
So much good advice in your list and in the comments. Number 12 brings it all together.