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Everything I Ever Needed To Know I Learned from Calvin 

2 + 7 = ? I cannot answer this question, as it is against my religious principles. *** There’s an inverse relationship between how good something is for you, and how much fun it is.  *** There’s no problem so awful that you can’t add some more guilt to it and make it worse! *** That’s the trouble with weapons technology. It becomes obsolete so quickly.  ***  Ask a simple question, and get all your television privileges revoked.

Oh wait, did you think I meant John Calvin – the great theologian? I’m sorry, I should have been more clear. Here, let me start over again . . . 

Everything I Ever Needed To Know I Learned from Calvin from Calvin & Hobbes – Perhaps One of Many (This one from Circa 1986)

2 + 7 = ? I cannot answer this question, as it is against my religious principles. *** There’s an inverse relationship between how good something is for you, and how much fun it is.  *** There’s no problem so awful that you can’t add some more guilt to it and make it worse! *** That’s the trouble with weapons technology. It becomes obsolete so quickly.  ***  Ask a simple question, and get all your television privileges revoked.  *** Garbage. This show would insult a 6-year-old! And I should know. *** Never argue with a six-year-old who shaves. *** Heck. What’s a little extortion among friends? *** Fifth period – “Studies in contemporary state-sponsored terrorism.” Also known as gym class.  *** That’s great. Perfect. Without question, this is the finest haircut I have ever received. Never criticize a guy with a razor. *** Here comes Moe, the class bully. He’s not smart but he’s streetwise. That means he knows what street he lives on.  *** Cool people wear dark glasses. Mothers on the other hand, sneak up from behind the Pachysandra patch. *** Somewhere in communist Russia I’ll bet there’s a little boy who has never known anything but censorship and oppression. But maybe he’s heard about America, and he dreams of living in this land of freedom and opportunity! Someday, I’d like to meet that little boy … and tell him the awful truth about this place!! *** There’s an inverse relationship between how good something is for you, and how much fun it is.  *** If you can’t win by reason, go for volume.  *** I love Saturday morning cartoons. What classic humor! This is what entertainment is all about … idiots, explosives and falling anvils. *** Who’d want to eat something that eats worms anyway? *** Trusting parents can be hazardous to your health.  *** There’s no problem so awful that you can’t add some more guilt to it and make it worse! *** Either mom’s cooking dinner, or somebody got sick in the furnace duct. *** Really?? We’re having monkey heads! We are not … are those really monkey heads? I’ve never had monkey heads before! I wonder what they’re like. Wow! Monkey heads! Mm … kinda squishy. Oow look, is that a nose? What’s this? Brains? I didn’t think they’d be so rubbery  *** I think the principal is a space alien spy. He’s trying to corrupt our young innocent minds so we’ll be unable to resist when his people invade the Earth! Promise not to tell anyone? *** I love Saturday I get up at six and eat three bows of Crunch Sugar Bombs. Then I watch cartoons till noon, and I’m incoherent and hyperactive the rest of the day. *** It’s an outrage that six-year-olds can’t vote! Here I am, a US citizen, with no voice in our representative government! *** The water’s too cold! Now it’s too hot. Now it’s too cold. Now it’s too deep. *** Flowers are pretty stupid. See, it’s a bright, sunny day out, right? Well, with this watering can, I can make them think it’s raining. It’s fun to mess with their minds. *** If you ask a mom, you get a worse-case scenario. *** I always liked gargoyles.

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