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This is a paperback I picked up at a used book sale at work. It’s a techno-thriller from the 90s. I don’t recommend it, but it was interesting to see how computers have changed since then. There are quite a few notable comments here about computers and programming
Everything I Ever Needed To Know I Learned From The Fools Run By John Sandford
We have an abundance of good-looking blondes in Minnesota *** If you leave bad paintings laying around they end up on walls. *** A good guy, Occam. *** Power to the people. *** A war is business by other means. *** Dreamers lose track of what’s going on around them; Dreamers try to outrun bullets and outshoot cops. They move from one act to the next with no assessment of consequence. *** Personal cars are invisible in America as long as you don’t buy gas on credit cards or get traffic tickets. *** A computer attack on a major corporation is a technological-age nightmare. If word of a corporate war got out to the computer community the reaction could be violent. Some unpleasant people could come looking. *** Think about the money. *** Always be alert. America needs more lerts. *** There’s a technique for following another car. You never get too close. You stay in an adjacent lane rather than directly behind the car you’re following, and you memorize the other cars taillights. A good surveillance man will risk losing the car before he risks being spotted. *** I couldn’t do computers. I mean it sounds neat, but it really just sitting in front of a TV tub and pushing buttons. *** Nothing is completely okay. *** Computer programming can be as beautiful and complicated as a tree, as compelling as the best painting. Programmers admire each other’s code. They talk like rock climbers: That was a very difficult pitch, and look how he did it – with style. *** A good programmer uses a computer’s potential to create worlds where other people will live. *** Anytime you build a complicated electronic machine there are always mistakes. *** Computers are the water engineers swim in. They don’t question the answers the get from a computers any more than a fish questions water. They know the computer is correct: the problem must be elsewhere. *** You never carry plastic explosives in your teeth.
What can I say? I’m reading it again (this time to my kids) and I found more.
Everything I Ever Needed To Know I Learned From The Fellowship Of The Rings – Book 1
Always after a defeat and a respite, the Shadow takes another shape and grows again. *** What a wizard guesses is always difficult to tell. *** I pity snails and all that carry their homes on their backs. *** We all like walking in the dark. *** I don’t keep water in my pockets. ***The road goes on forever, but I can’t without a rest. *** Now far ahead the Road has gone and I must follow if I can, pursuing it with weary feet, until it joins some larger way, where many paths and errands meet. And whither then, I cannot say. *** Go not to the elves for counsel, for they will say both ‘no’ and ‘yes’. *** If you demand advice, I will for friendship’s sake give it. *** Courage is found in unlikely places. *** I don’t want to answer a string of questions while I am eating. I want to think. *** I don’t rightly know what I want: but I have something to do before the end. I must see it through. *** It’s no good our starting to go in zigzags. That won’t mend matters. *** Rain may fall and wind may blow, and many miles be still to go. But under a tall tree I will lie and let the clouds go sailing by. *** All’s well that ends well, though perhaps we should not say that until we reach our own doors. I’ll not deny that I’ll be glad now when I do.
I regularly meet with a large group of men at our church. The last time I met with them we all went around the room and mentioned something they would like from God. I wrote them down.
Everything I Ever Needed To Know I Learned From A Men’s Prayer Group
Grant me repentance and give me a heart of flesh. *** Grant me love for you. *** Help me not to fear man. *** Grant me a hunger for your word. *** Grant me a deeper prayer life. *** Unemcumber me. *** Hold me a higher standard; I am not adequate. *** Change me as a man. *** Make me a Godly father. *** Help me not to be derailed by Satan. *** Help me to live out the gospel in my family. *** Help me to keep seeking you; pour out your spirit on me. *** Give me clarity of mind; help me to know when to proclaim the gospel. ***Take away my pride. *** Take away my cynicism and anger. *** Help me to take responsibility. *** Help me to walk and not faint. *** Don’t let Satan have me. *** Change my routine; take away my idols. *** Help me to see my sin as sin. *** Take away my self-righteousness.
In college, I started a habit where after finals week was done, I would go through all of the notes from the semester and for each class write a one page list of statements summarizing the main points of the class. It’s a practice I recommend. In any case, here are some results. They are from 5 classes, can you guess what classes they were?
Everything I Ever Needed To Know I Learned In My Classes At Bethel
Philosophy is the love of wisdom: naturalism, idealism, realism, pragmatism and existentialism. *** A pairwise disjoin group of sets is enough to cover all of the larger set without overlapping. *** We start with some assumptions (postulates) which give us a groundwork for making proofs. As we choose more and more postulates, we are restricted as to the kinds of possible geometric systems, more and more. *** Repeat important things and have students repeat them for you. *** 4 Kinds of sub-programs: Intrinsic functions, statement functions, function subprograms and subroutines. *** Liking kids is not enough to be a good teacher. *** Euler circuits are connected graphs where all the vertices have an even degree. *** It is not wise to let students know that you like some of them more than others. *** If two points A,B are in a convex set S, then all of AB is in S – Definition of a convex set. *** Discipline is not just reinforcing the good and ignoring that bad (behaviorism) but that is a big part of it. *** Top-down design in computing is finding an algorithm first, testing it, and then implementing it. *** In a sequential circuit, what comes out depends of the state of a circuit as well as the input. *** Mainstreaming is putting special education students at the most normal, least restrictive type of education possible. *** Tests should be evaluated for objectivity, cheatability, speed, and taxonomy levels reached. *** The love of God is for all nations and all history, not just Israel. *** Nation conquering nation is sometimes a form of God’s punishment. *** The Old Testament individuals were saved by grace, just as we are. *** A subspace is a vector space if it is closed under addition and multiplication. *** Components of the computer: Central processing unit, internal memory, Auxiliary memory, input devices, output devices. *** Christ did not come to start a new religion or a new nation, but to be a suffering servant and to bring all nations into his fold. *** The binary search is good and the bubble sort is bad.
Everything I Ever Needed To Know I Learned From Calvin (From Calvin & Hobbes)
This morning I had a wonderful dream. By holding my arms out stiff and pushing down hard, I found I could suspend myself a few feet above the ground. I flapped harder, and soon I was soaring effortlessly over the trees and telephone poles! I could FLY! I folded my arms back and zoomed lower over the neighborhood. Everyone was amazed, and they ran along under me as I shot by. Then I rocketed up so fast that my eyes watered from the wind. I laughed and laughed, making huge loops across the sky! … That’s when Mom woke me up and said I was going to miss the bus if I didn’t get my bottom out of the bed. 20 minutes later, here I am, standing in the cold rain, waiting to go to school, and I just remembered I forgot my lunch. Tuesdays don’t start much worse than this. *** I asked Mom if I was a gifted child… She said they certainly wouldn’t have PAID for me. You can relate this little story when reporters ask how I went bad. *** I don’t DO math any more. I decided I’m more of a “visual” person. *** This show would insult a 6-year-old! And I should know. *** I get the feeling there was no right answer to that question. *** Like it’s MY fault she hasn’t gotten the chimney swept. *** Mom! Mom! I just saw the first robin of spring! Call the newspaper quick! Ha ha! A front page write-up! A commemorative plaque! A civic ceremony! All for me! Hooray! Hooray! Oh boy! Should I put the prize money in a trust fund or blow it all at once? Ha ha! I can’t believe I did it! *** I sure like chocolate frosted sugar bombs! Look how brown the milk gets! Want to see something weird? Look at the nutritional information on the back panel. Wow. 100% of the daily recommended allowance of caffeine! Hey look! You can send away for a chocolate frosted sugar bombs “Buzzy the Hummingbird” doll! *** County library? Yes, do you have any books on homemade bombs? That’s what I said. I need a book that lists supplies and gives step-by-step instructions for building, rigging and detonating them. Well what about your other branches? Don’t THEY have any books like that? Boy, and people wonder why kids don’t read.
Yet even more from the creative, clever, crazy, contextless people I work with.
Everything I Ever Needed To Know I Learned From My Coworkers, Part 3 (The Last)
I’m an issueless guy most of the time . . . . Notice I said issueless, not clueless *** We need to cross the finish line no matter how ugly it is. *** We apologize for any incontinence this may have caused you. *** I think the first step in insurance fraud is not telling everyone you’re going to do it. *** You can talk for hours, but do it quickly. *** I usually eat lunch five times a week. That’s just how I roll. *** You see? He is the squeaky wheel and the rest of you are the quiet and not really working wheels! *** With other companies, ‘engagement’ means the executives tell you what to do. At <<our company>> ‘engagement’ means the executives kind of know what you are doing *** Okay let me get that in the minutes: << Person In Meeting>> suggests breaking your leg. *** Some of our products have more frequent flyer miles than a 747 pilot. *** What could be more important than High Impact Demand Chains? . . . . Oh, new grand daughter. . . . Well, that could be one thing. *** God always appears to be on the side of big armies. *** He employs a power point technique we call “Purple Splotches.” *** And then without any tangential misdirections from Chris, we may get somewhere. *** If I, and this will be comforting to you, ever go crazy and come to work with a gun, I won’t shoot up our department. . . . I know where I’m going. *** You need to figure out how it can come out of the machine and <<slaps herself three times>> ‘You need to change the password!’ *** I love eggplants!
More from the creative, clever, crazy, contextless people I work with.
Everything I Ever Needed To Know I Learned From My Coworkers, Part 2
I better get to work. Karen’s knuckles are turning white. *** I spent the holidays skiing with my children, all of them younger than myself. *** It’s been broken for 100 years. It doesn’t have to be fixed tomorrow; It can wait until next week. *** I used to be many things and nice is one of them. *** How do you know if it’s not edible until you take a bite? *** Someone moved your cheese, it looks like! ‘No, I’m going to wait for my cheese right here in Microsoft Access.’ *** If I would have to give him the Heimlich maneuver, I’d freak out! *** Scott, RDC Test looks fine. I know I didn’t state any specific goals or performance objectives; I tend to be an informal type of project leader. So it’s probably my fault for not indicating it in my request, but I really would like to see JUNE data in the test file. Thanks!! *** We should just send a message out and say ‘You’re a putz and you should fix it.’ *** My only two requirements in a woman is she has to breathe and ski. *** Hi, I’m a 43 year old mother of 3 and I’m working on something with some people and I’m looking for a report. *** That’s another rule for the facilitator: ‘Don’t be too abusive.’ *** Oh my gosh! My last car had a steering wheel and this one has a steering wheel! *** That’s one thing you should remember about me: I can bounce back like a bad penny. *** We should call it the “Freight ‘We’re getting screwed’ Report”. *** Isn’t there a song like that – “Livin’ in an As-Was World?” *** I don’t know anything off the top of my head. It’s kind of thin up there. *** Well, thanks for showing the whole world that I stink, but now I need to know why I stink. *** It’s as pretty as shoes made out of silk with no soles on the bottom. *** There’s no logic in screwing me up.
I like my work and I like my coworkers – they are creative, intelligent and they make me laugh. These are actual quotes that I have collected from meetings.
Everything I Ever Needed To Know I Learned From My Coworkers
I believe in Revenge. That’s a good motto of mine. *** If you can’t keep up, you fall behind. *** It isn’t just ‘Pull the pickles off’. Report production isn’t as easy as fast food. *** I submit to you that if we have a car with three wheels at the end of August, we will give it to them. Just: ‘Everybody lean this way!’ *** Anything is better than nothing. *** We are one team; we’re just offensive and defensive. *** Change because of the outside world? I don’t think so. *** That might be easy for the common person to say, but it’s not necessarily true in my little world *** It’s never my fault. It’s always the data. *** It would be nice if we were perfect *** You need to start with the basics and pull the string. “A cow goes ‘moo’.” And then you got something. *** Some of these names suck. I don’t want to tell my daughters what my title is right now. *** When I noticed it, I was afraid that something was wrong, but of course it wasn’t; we don’t do wrong things here. *** I get red when I’m angry, I get red when I’m wrong, I get red when I’m laughing . . . I just get red *** We have to be an exemplary example. *** ‘Is December there, yet?’, “Hang on, let me check. DECEMBER? DECEMBER? No, December’s not here today – called in sick.” *** I can’t believe I’m sitting here and breathing in oxygen and breathing out carbon dioxide when things like this are going on. *** If they know that, then they probably already know that. *** Ask not what your programmer can do for you. *** We’re all victims of Data.
Well, it’s been a year since my last Funny Piper Statement List so it’s time for a new set. But first a few notes:
* All Taken from Sermons
* All taken completely out of context
* None found in the Online Sermon Texts (but many are on the videos)
30 Witticisms from Pastor Piper
- I hope there are no cars in heaven.
- I came to Christ when I was 6; I’m 64. I’m not optimistic about getting out of sin.
- I don’t want to live in this body for the rest of eternity. I can’t see. My wife thinks I can’t hear. I can hear, but my wife thinks I can’t. It’s the fan! It’s the fan!
- And he will give the – Oh, that’s right! I’m talking to the downtown campus. Did he do it? This is really weird. I’m asking a future question.
- You don’t need to work to make Christianity controversial. Just read sentences from the Bible.
- He’s got about 120 people after 3 years of ministry and he’s the Son of God. That’s not a very impressive church plant.
- Should I wear this suit? Well, if you average it out over 15 years, maybe. Maybe.
- You think knowing Greek solves problems, it doesn’t. It creates problems.
- You can’t believe how many people have been saved off napkins. Napkin evangelism is very fruitful.
- ‘And’ is not helpful. ‘And’ can mean anything.
- You can be egalitarian to the core and be a member of this church. You’re just going to hear complimentarianism over and over and over again.
- If you’re not in Hell tomorrow, you should be dancing.
- It’s not wrong to write a story with suspense, this one <John 1> just doesn’t have it.
- Their problem isn’t epistemological. Can I use that word?
- I don’t have a sophisticated definition. I don’t even know what a recession is. I just heard it on the radio a lot.
- If pastors don’t get cancer once in awhile, they start thinking – “Cancer? What’s wrong with you? You must have smoked! Or eaten . . . whatever it is they put in pop.”
- I went to the website. I got so excited I gave $100.
- One of the curses of our modern day is that everything John Piper says is immortalized on the web.
- Now I lost my place, because I didn’t say that in any other sermon.
- That’s what it’s going to be like in heaven. Skin and bouncing balls and lions and lambs lying down together. Dogs. No cats! Well, I guess the lion’s a cat.
- The problem is, it doesn’t do any good to nudge a corpse. If you do that, you can get a corpse to church, but you can’t make it alive.
- . . . And I am not relaxed. I am not trying to be chipper in my demeanor.
- If you don’t have a bible, don’t be ashamed . . this Sunday.
- Do you want to go home right now and watch TV? Don’t say it out loud if you do! You will be so embarrassed. Because I will say bad things about you.
- Ignore the verse numbers. Just: when you see the little ‘35’, imagine it’s not there.
- This is huge! This globally, historically, epocally (if this is a word) huge!
- As I read the commentaries, nobody knows what’s going on here. You’re thinking ‘if only I knew Greek.’ Wouldn’t help!
- <The woman at the well is saying:> ‘As long as we’re talking about my adultery, where do you think we should worship?’
- What are you going to say right there? “Well, it’s kind of complex and there are disagreements in the church and there are a lot of scholars and a lot of opinions and . . .” Weasel, weasel, weasel . . .
- Please! When I’m here thirty years, don’t give me a free trip to Israel – Fix my car!
- I have no problem with you going to Israel, don’t send me emails.
Do you want more Piper stuff? Check out my complete list of Definitions used by Pastor Piper
Everything I Ever Needed To Know I Learned From This Week’s Newspaper Comics
Moments of Household Terror: Stepping on something squishy in the dark. *** Rubber boots are all the rage these days. *** Is ‘all the rage’ a metaphor for ‘really stupid looking’? *** It’s a good thing I don’t know what metaphor means. *** There is no shame in fearing that which sucks indiscriminately. *** I’ll eat anything as long as it’s something I recognize. *** Somehow macaroni and cheese has lost it’s challenge. *** A noose is still a noose even if it says ‘Gucci’ on it. *** Listening to someone else’s problems always depresses me. *** Orthodontists speak fluent ‘Brace’ *** Moments of Household Terror: Finding a capless pen in the dryer. *** If wearing shades is cool, I figure wearing three pairs of shades must be three times as cool. *** I like simple foods, that’s all. I could probably eat the same thing every day. Surely there are others like me. *** It never fails. Just hint that some of their troubles might be with themselves and they get mad at you. *** When your horse has died, it’s time to get off his back. *** If you accept criticism, you’re doomed to believe it. *** It’s hard pretending to be a bomber pilot with such a little bomber helmet. *** Trust me, when they say don’t drink the water, DON’T *** It’s never a good sign when the cook gets sarcastic. *** Remind me again why bonus is tied to the performance of strangers. *** I shouldn’t tell you this, but we model our employee compensation programs after practical jokes.
Everything I Ever Needed To Know I Learned From Calvin (From Calvin & Hobbes)
IT’S JULY ALREADY! OH NO! OH NO! What happened to June?! Summer vacation is slipping through our fingers like grains of sand! It’s going too fast! We’ve got to hoard our freedom and have more fun! Time rushes on! Help! Help! *** A new decade is coming up. Yeah, big deal! Hmph. Where are the flying cars? Where are the moon colonies? Where are the personal robots and the zero gravity boots, huh? You call this a new decade? You call this the future?? HA! Where are the rocket packs? Where are the disintegration rays? Where are the floating cities? *** Here we are, perched at the peak of Mount Maim! Why? Because I like to experience life to the fullest! I say you don’t fully APPRECIATE life until you risk losing it! I like to stare death straight in the eye and make him blink! If your adrenalin isn’t pumping, you’re not really living! *** Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us. *** It’s sad how some people can’t handle a little variety. *** I’ve decided to be more of a “people” person, and make more friends. I don’t get enough presents. *** You doubting Thomases get in the way of more scientific advances with your stupid ethical questions. *** I don’t know about the rest of you, but I’m going to get some cookies! *** Well, I guess we learned a valuable lesson from this duplicating mess. And that is, um… It’s that, well… OK, so we didn’t learn any big lesson. Sue me. *** Questions pour down like the rain. Who ARE these mugs? What were they trying to accomplish? Why was Jack in such a hurry? And what difference does it make where they started from? I had a hunch that, before this was over, I’d be sorry I asked. *** Aw, Mom! Can’t I watch the next program? No, you need your sleep. C’mon. Can I watch another 15 minutes? Please?? OK, just 10 minutes! Then I’ll go straight to bed! Five minutes! Just five minutes, OK? Turn off the TV. Look, I’ll just watch a few more commercials, OK? See, here’s my favorite gum commercial! I guess that got pretty pathetic. *** Genius is never understood in its own time. *** There’s Venus. There’s Mars. And there’s Jupiter. And I’m STUCK here. *** On a clear night like this, you realize how incomprehensible the universe really is. I wonder what early man must have thought as he watched the skies. He’d see he was an infinitesimal part of creation, but he’d have no understanding of planets or stars or comets or anything. Imagine how big and mysterious the night would’ve seemed to him! I’ll bet he felt very fragile and afraid, don’t you think? *** At 7:00am, Mom’s not very philosophical.
. . . Just finished reading the first part to my kids.
Everything I Ever Needed To Know I Learned From Little Pilgrim’s Progress
I must go to the king, because I have a burden to carry and no one but He can take it from me. *** The King loves little children. If you will obey Him and begin your journey, He will watch over you al the way and when you reach the Celestial City you will be happy forever. *** “I love them that love me, and those that seek me early shall find me.” That is the King’s promise to all His little children. So do not cry anymore but go quickly to that gate and knock. *** Knock and it shall be opened unto you. *** The Way of the King is always quite straight, and all paths that lead out of it are crooked. And the wrong paths are generally wide, while the right path is narrow. If you look carefully, you will not mistake it. *** You must remember that everything I show you is meant to teach you something, and you may learn from this that it is not wise to wish too eagerly for pleasant things until the Kings sends them. He knows exactly what is good for each of us, and He will always give us what will make us really happy. If we try to be happy in our own way, we are sure to be disappointed. *** The servants of the Wicked Prince are always on the watch for careless pilgrims. *** He shall give his angels charge over thee. *** The King has been very good to you. You have met with some enemies and some troubles, but He has helped you always, and He will help you still if you trust him. *** He is our Prince, and He did not mind the pain. I must not, either, because I am the King’s servant, and it is written in my Book that the King’s servants are to be like the Prince.
Everything I Ever Needed To Know I Learned From Calvin – Part 14
Here we are, perched at the peak of Mount Maim! Why? Because I like to experience life to the fullest! I say you don’t fully APPRECIATE life until you risk losing it! I like to stare death straight in the eye and make him blink! If your adrenalin isn’t pumping, you’re not really living! *** Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us. *** It’s sad how some people can’t handle a little variety. *** Ow! What am I doing on the ceiling? Hmm… nothing else fell up. Just me. This is very strange. Even if I try to jump to the floor, I land back on the ceiling! My personal gravity must have reversed polarity! You’d thing this is the type of thing we’d learn about in science class, but no, we learn about cirrus clouds. *** Having my personal gravity polarity reversed is a nuisance. How am I going to get up to the floor? There’s not anything on the ceiling that I could even climb up. How am I supposed to do my homework when I’m trapped on the ceiling? It’s impossible. *** Suffice to say I cannot add, so ask some other kid. *** I watched a nature program on TV last night. Afterward, I asked Dad if life was really nothing more than surviving long enough to reproduce before you became food for something else. *** Oh brother! Another “discussion” about my study habits and the importance of homework. I’ve tried explaining that it’s hard to study when one’s size suddently starts increasing, but does SHE care?! Hah! No, it’s just blah blah blah, like it’s all MY fault! Mom’s never been as big as a galaxy, so she can’t understand how anyone ELSE could be! Sheesh. Oops, it looks like she’s wrapping up. Better start nodding. *** For “Show and Tell” today, I have something that will astound and amaze you! This little guy can… Have you all had your shots? *** See, it’s OK to fight just a little bit if you say you’re sorry afterward. *** Hi Mom! I’m making my own newspaper to report the events of our household. That’s nice. Now, I’m looking for a page one lead story. Can I interview you? OK, what are you cutting up there for dinner? Fish? Knife wielding mother hacks ichthyoid! Grim melee is evening ritual! Suburban family decours victim! *** Hi Dad. I’m making my own newspaper to report the events of our household. Would you help me out? Sure, what do you need? Well, you can take your pick. Either you can give me 15 bucks to pay my labor and production costs… Or you can be the subject of a comic strip called “Dopey Dad”. So in the next panel, Dopey Dad yells, “It’s bed time for YOU, young man!” Hee Hee! Look how big I made his mouth!*
*Please do not take this as an implied consent to Mockery of Fatherhood
Everything I Ever Need To Know I Learned From The Hobbit – Part 3 of 3
Never laugh at live dragons. *** Where there’s life, there’s hope. *** Third time pays for all. *** When the heart of a dwarf, even the most respectable, is wakened by gold and by jewels he grows suddenly bold, and he may become fierce. *** Up the bowman and down with moneybags! *** It is an ill wind that blows no one any good. *** Elves are light-footed. *** Cram is much better than nothing. *** The wealthy may have pity beyond right on the needy that befriended them when they were in want. *** Dwarves are sometimes lighter in word than in deed. *** Dwarves are exceedingly strong for their height. *** Goblins are the foes of all and at their coming all other quarrels are forgotten. *** I have heard songs of many battles and I have always understood that defeat may be glorious. It seems very uncomfortable not to say distressing. *** We will honor the agreement of the dead. *** Merry be the greenwood, while the world is yet young. *** Even a burglar has his feelings. *** May your shadow never grow less. *** So comes snow after fire, and even dragons have their ending. *** Sword shall be rusted and throne and crown perish with strength that men trusted and wealth that they cherish, here grass is still growing and leaves are yet swinging. *** A little sleep does a great cure. *** Merry is may-time! *** Share and share alike. *** Surely you don’t disbelieve the prophecies, because you had a hand in bringing them about yourself? You don’t really suppose, do you, that all your adventures and escapes were managed by mere luck, just for your sole benefit? *** You are only quite a little fellow in a wide world after all.
Everything I Ever Needed To Know I Learned From The Hobbit
(Part 2 of 3)
May the wind under your wings bear you where the sun sails and the moon walks. *** Don’t be a fool if you can help it. *** It is some good being a wizard. *** Don’t stray off the track. *** Don’t leave the path! *** You cannot quench a terrible thirst by standing under giant oaks and waiting for a chance drip to fall on your tongue. *** Don’t tell us about dreams – dream dinners aren’t any good and we can’t share them. *** It is horrible being all alone. *** No spider ever like being called Attercop and Tomnoddy of course is insulting to anybody. *** Long noses are sometimes useful. *** There is nothing in the feeling of weight in an idle toss-pot’s arms. *** There is no knowing what a dwarf will not dare and do for revenge or the recovery of his own. *** May your beard grow ever longer. *** Third time pays for all. *** There it is: Dwarves are not heroes, but calculating folk with a great idea of the value of money; some are tricky and treacherous and pretty bad lots; some are not, but are decent enough people if you don’t expect too much. *** It does not do to leave a live dragon out of your calculations, if you live near him. *** Dragons may not have much real use for all their wealth, but they know it to an ounce as a rule, especially after long possession. *** Every worm has his weak spot. *** Lucky numbers don’t always come off. *** Don’t let your imagination run away with you!
. . . just finished reading it to my kids . . .
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Everything I Ever Needed To Know I Learned From The Hobbit, By JRR Tolkien
Sorry! I don’t want any adventures, thank you. Not today. Good Morning! But please come to tea – any time you like! Why not tomorrow? Come tomorrow! Good bye! *** Dwarves can make a fire almost anywhere out of almost anything, wind or no wind. *** The less inquisitive you are as you go along, the less trouble you are likely to find. *** It is always very worth while to pick a troll’s pocket. *** Trolls are slow on the uptake and mighty suspicious about anything new to them. *** Don’t interrupt. *** Don’t dip your beard to far in the foam, it is long enough without watering it. *** Now it is a strange thing, but things that are good to have and days that are good to spend are soon told about, and not much to listen to; while things that are uncomfortable, palpitating, and even gruesome, may make a good tale and a take a deal of telling anyway. *** Even the plans of wise wizards and good friends go astray. *** Caves up in the mountains are seldom unoccupied. *** That is the danger part about caves: you don’t know how far they go back, sometimes, or where a passage behind may lead to, or what is waiting for you inside. *** Goblins eat horses and ponies and donkeys (and other much more dreadful things) and they are always hungry. *** Goblins don’t care who they catch, as long as it is done smart and secret, and the prisoners are not able to defend themselves. *** The riddle game is sacred and of immense antiquity and even wicked creatures are afraid to cheat when they play at it. *** A promise is a promise. *** Being made into supper is much worse than having none yourself. *** Trees are not very comfortable to sit in for long at any time; but in the cold and the wind, with wolves all round below waiting for you, they can be perfectly miserable places. *** Eagles aren’t forks! *** You ought not to be rude to an eagle, when you are only the size of a hobbit, and are up in his eyrie at night.
I was going through some file and I found something I typed up from my Men’s Retreat notes (from the fall of 2007 – yes, a year and a half ago). I thought it good enough to report here.
12 Funny Quotes From Greg Harris’s Teachings At Bethlehem’s Men’s Retreat
1. There’s a detail that’s overlooked by the hippies: We’re not birds. – regarding “Consider the birds of the air”
2. If you miss the springboard, you still end up in the water.
3. If you were a toaster, it would feel good to make toast.
4. Whoah! I feel a miracle comin’ on! – What a tele-evangelist would say in the Elijah/widow story
5. You always see the scene “Bring some hot water!”
6 . . And then the string is going ‘You’ve got children.’ - regarding what is keeping the Kite from flying away and what keeps the kite up.
7. Many wives feel like the bruised shins of a blind man.
8. . . . Now Joshua writes a book – with a bad title! – and it sells a million copies.
9. Nobody watches the launching pad after the rocket goes off.
10. You get to clear your throat a lot in Hebrew.
11. Some of you are thinking – where’s the action? Does anything get blown up? Well, there’s a crime scene. And there is a fire! - regarding the movie – ‘Avalon’
12. For lightbulbs, that would be the epitome of light-making – to be in the dining room.
Or if you like, my original Friday Everything Format
Everything I Ever Needed To Know I Learned From Greg Harris
There’s a detail that’s overlooked by the hippies: We’re not birds. *** If you miss the springboard, you still end up in the water. *** If you were a toaster, it would feel good to make toast. *** Whoah! I feel a miracle comin’ on! *** You always see the scene “Bring some hot water!” *** . . . And then the string is going ‘You’ve got children.’ *** Many wives feel like the bruised shins of a blind man. *** Joshua writes a book – with a bad title! – and it sells a million copies. *** Nobody watches the launching pad after the rocket goes off. *** You get to clear your throat a lot in Hebrew. *** Some of you are thinking – where’s the action? Does anything get blown up? Well, there’s a crime scene. And there is a fire! *** For lightbulbs, that would be the epitome of light-making – to be in the dining room.
Have I mentioned that I don’t always agree with everything in my Everythings?
Everything I Ever Needed To Know I Learned From ‘Ender’s Game’ By Orson Scott Card (Part 2)
Americans are quite apt at playing stupid when they choose to. *** If you’ve ever got an advantage over the enemy, use it. *** Influence is power. *** Real respect takes longer than official respect. *** Perhaps it’s impossible to wear an identity without becoming what you pretend to be. *** At some point, there must be trust. *** In the moment that when I truly understand my enemy, understand him well enough to defeat him, then that very moment I also love him. I think it’s impossible to really understand somebody, what they want, what they believe, and not love them the way they love themselves. *** Power will always end up with the sort of people who crave it. *** Human beings didn’t evolve brains in order to lie around on lakes. Killing’s the first thing we learned. And a good thing we did, or we’d be dead, and the tigers would own the earth. *** The earth is deep and right to the heart of it, it’s alive. *** Nature can’t evolve a species that hasn’t a will to survive. *** I’m in favor of surviving. *** Humanity does not ask us to be happy. *** Early to bed and early to rise, makes a man stupid and blind in the eyes. *** Try not to be too arrogant about the victory. *** Get used to fighting without unnecessary waste. *** Strange dreams are a safety valve. *** All is not always as it seems. *** People always go. Always. They always believe they can make a better life than in the old world. *** Welcome to the human race. Nobody controls his own life.
Everything I Ever Needed To Know I Learned From
R.A. Carlsen, College Professor (Part 2 of 2)
The Faith & Learning is an interesting question in science and mathematics. In my opinion, the better issue is Faith & Practice. This means you help your classmate, I help you (assuming that you have been in class) and we thus attempt to keep stress to a minimum. *** I will say things like ‘Jesus loves little children and linear differential equations with constant coefficients’. This is not taking a low view of the Bible but associating an idea with a dumb statement. *** Finally, don’t read the footnotes in the lectures that have been written out as they are reference for me. Remember what happened to Adam and Eve when they didn’t follow instructions. *** Do you know what a matrix is? How to multiply a square matrix by a column matrix? We are not going to do this today as the object is to find the edge. You have an assignment: rent the video and have a party. At Bethel? Yes. *** One should realize that in Christian circles the concept of salvation by grace is learned by repeated usage in sermons and most certainly in Scripture. Likewise, one can obtain a sensitivity to the distinction between, say, the Hamiltonian H and the Hamiltonian operator by repeated usage. *** Be creative in your thinking. *** . . . . The following verse came to mind from Hebrews chapter 11. That is, ‘Now faith is the substance of things hoped for. The evidence of things not seen’. Being involved with science most of my adult life, the idea of evidence is importance. The concept that I came away with was that faith, itself, was the evidence. Secondly, the idea of knowledge is of major importance because it serves as the basis for what we think we know. Notice that the verse talks about ‘Things hoped for’. What we have is the hope of ever lasting life.
During my Dad’s career as Professor of Computer Science and Physics at Bethel he self published (and printed out only one copy as far as I can figure out) 5 books from his lecture notes. Much of what follows is from that.
Everything I Ever Needed To Know I Learned From
R.A. Carlsen, College Professor (Part 1 of 2)
Just when students become useful, they graduate. *** If you teach undergraduates long enough, you become one. *** Students test you. They want to see if you really can do this stuff that you teach. *** It’s always best to solve problems at the lowest level. *** There are two basic ways of learning physics: the inductive and the deductive (mathematical) method. We take the latter approach which means that we start with a set of axioms . . . The approach works well with students that are mathematically sensitive and being Christians, had and added advantage because they are used to an axiomatic structure for living which, clearly, is modified by the concept of grace in the New Testament. *** Analyze, then build. *** I used to tell my students at Michigan that Moses not only brought down the Ten Commandments from Sinai but that Maxwell’s equations were written on the back! *** Physics is best at describing the physical world rather than explaining it. *** In the beginning, God created the rectangular coordinate system. *** Realize that launching a course is one of the hardest things to undertake. *** The student has as an objective: to pass the course with a reasonable grade. The faculty is interested in the student becoming interested in ideas. These two objectives are in conflict at least in the beginning. *** Just one remark about grading. I know what an A student looks like. He/she has a very large bushy tail and bright shining eyes. This person gets an A and all other having a total number of points equal to or greater than this individual. The thing about grading is to be consistent. The B’s are something less than A’s and anyone making a reasonable effort should not get less than a C. *** Be creative in your thinking.
