Romance Advice from the Responsible Puppet

So you walk into the grocery store on this, the day set a side for romantic thought and you are hoping to get a gift for your beloved. Right there in front of you is a table filled with Boxes of Assorted Chocolates. Of course you’re going to buy one. Everybody loves assorted chocolates, right? All you have to figure out is how big a box you can afford.

Jamsco says: Think again.

Consider – how happy are you when you get a box of chocolates? If (you’re like me, which you aren’t but, again, go with me here) you are actually frightened when you recieve one of these.  Because you know that the first three you bite into are going to be something you don’t like and it will take until the fifth or the sixth to get something you moderately enjoy biting into.

It goes something like this:

You bite into one. “Hmm, dried apricot . . uh, nope.” You toss it in the garbage.

You bite into another. “Honey roasted parsnip? What?” Again, it gets tossed.

You bite into a third. You don’t recognize it. You look at it. You show it to your wife. She doesn’t recognize it. Something brownish green. You ask her to try it. She refuses to. You throw it away.

You bite into a fourth. “. . . . . Okay, marshmallow. I guess I don’t mind that so much.”

Sure, every tenth is caramel or darker chocolate, or raspberry or something. But by then, is it worth it?

So now (back at the grocery store making your chocolate buying decision) you have two options:

Option 1. Spend thirty dollars to get the really seriously high quality box of chocolates, with the map on the box telling you what each thing is. Then your spouse/significant other can eat the ones she likes and leave the rest on the snack table at work. But this pales in wisdom to . . .

Option 2. For the price (6 bucks) you could get the original box of 12 mixed chocolates, you can walk over to the candy aisle and get the 8 pound bag of m&ms. And c’mon, everyone likes m&ms. Buy the kind your significant other likes (peanut, mint, cherry, peanut butter, plain) and if you don’t know what kind she/he likes best, find out!

As for Jamsco (in case you ever want to buy me chocolate) I like anything but peanut.

Life isn’t like a box of chocolates, unless your life is a series of uncertainties, which, when revealed are tolerable at best, usually disappointments, and at worst, revolting.

Happy Valentines Day!