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Everything I ever need to know I learned from the Princess Bride

(Part 1 of 2)

When I was your age, television was called books. ••• We are men of action, lies do not become us. ••• I’ve hired you to help me start a war. It’s an prestigious line of work, with a long and glorious tradition. ••• You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means. ••• I wasn’t nervous. Maybe I was a little bit “concerned” but that’s not the same thing. ••• It’s not my fault being the biggest and the strongest. I don’t even exercise. •••You seem a decent fellow. I hate to kill you. ••• There’s not a lot of money in revenge. ••• You be careful. People in masks cannot be trusted. ••• She is alive, or was an hour ago. If she is otherwise when I find her I shall be very put out. ••• I just don’t think its right, killing an innocent girl. ••• I find that Thibault cancels out Capa Ferro. Don’t you? ••• But it’s so simple. All I have to do is divine from what I know of you: are you the sort of man who would put the poison into his own goblet or his enemy’s? Now, a clever man would put the poison into his own goblet, because he would know that only a great fool would reach for what he was given. I am not a great fool, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you. But you must have known I was not a great fool, you would have counted on it, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me. Because iocane comes from Australia, as everyone knows, and Australia is entirely peopled with criminals, and criminals are used to having people not trust them, as you are not trusted by me, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you. You’ve beaten my giant, which means you’re exceptionally strong, so you could’ve put the poison in your own goblet, trusting on your strength to save you, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you. But, you’ve also bested my Spaniard, which means you must have studied, and in studying you must have learned that man is mortal, so you would have put the poison as far from yourself as possible, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me. ••• I’m not left-handed either. ••• We face each other as God intended. Sportsmanlike. No tricks, no weapons, skill against skill alone. ••• Is this a kissing book? ••• Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something. ••• You seem a decent fellow. I hate to die. ••• You fool! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders! The most famous is never get involved in a land war in Asia, but only slightly less well-known is this: never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line! ••• Anybody want a peanut? ••• Get used to disappointment. ••• You’re alive. If you want I could fly. ••• No one would surrender to the Dread Pirate Westley. ••• You’re trying to kidnap what I’ve rightfully stolen. ••• They’re kissing again. Do we have to read the kissing parts? ••• Well, I’m not saying I’d like to build a summer home here, but the trees are actually quite lovely. ••• For now, rest well and dream of large women. ••• We are men of action, lies do not become us.

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