Everything I Ever Needed to Know I learned from Calvin (Part 4 – Circa 1987) 

Wither and die, bloodsucking freaks of nature!! *** Aren’t these long summer days great? No responsibilities at all! We have the whole day to ourselves. *** I take it there’s no qualifying exam to be a Dad.  *** I always have to help dad establish the proper context. *** The end of summer is always hard on me. Trying to cram all the goofing off I’ve been meaning to do. *** New dad wanted. Frequent traveler preferred. Liberal views on discipline a must, ask for Calvin during normal work hours. *** They can make me do it, but they can’t make me do it with dignity.  *** Once I’m rich, I can hire somebody to take all my dumb tests! *** Geez, do you think traveling years into the future is like driving down the street?! We’ve got to contend with vortexes and light speeds! Anything could go wrong! Of course we need to wear goggles! *** It takes an uncommon mind to think of these things *** This sounds suspiciously like one of Dad’s plots to build my character. *** My life needs a rewind/erase button. … and a volume control. *** A lot can happen when you are gone all morning! *** Girls are like slugs – they probably serve some purpose, but it’s hard to imagine what. *** Sometimes it’s good to hush up a while and let autumn stick in a few words. *** Any day you have to take a bath and go to bed early isn’t a day off in my book. *** Processed lunch meat is pretty scary. What are those little specks anyway? Lizard parts? *** We’d probably be dead now if it wasn’t for Twinkies.

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