Everything I Ever Needed To Know I Learned From Calvin (Part 6)

Circa 1988. Warning: This one has Dark Undertones.

You know, sometimes it seems things go by too quickly. We’re so busy watching out for what’s just ahead of us that we don’t take the time to enjoy where we are. Days go by and we hardly notice them. Life becomes a blur. Often it takes some calamity to make us live in the present. Then suddenly we wake up and see all the mistakes we’ve made. But it’s too late to change anything. *** Here I am, waiting for the bus. Eleven more years of school to go. Then college, then maybe graduate school, and then I work until I die. What kind of world is this?! You only get five years to be a kid?? What about exploring and discovering and playing? Those things are important too! ***  Enjoy this while you can! I’ll be a hulking, surly teen-ager before you know it!! *** You should get your stories straight with Mom, Mr. Britannica! *** Archeologists dig slowly and carefully, using small, delicate tools. Each rock has to be painstakingly brushed and scraped so nothing is broken or missed. Archeologists have the most mind-numbing job on the planet. *** You’ve got to help me! I’m in big trouble! You know how Dad said I could use his binoculars as longs as I was extra careful with them? Well, I just broke them by accident! Now I need some advice. Should I run away, or commit hara-kiri? *** At times like these, all Mom can think of is how long she was in labor with me. *** Yes, we’re just tiny specks on a planet particle, hurling through the infinite blackness. *** You can’t be cool if you don’t have an attitude. *** I’ve decided to be a fatalist. All events are preordained and unalterable. Whatever will be will be. That way, if anything bad happens, it’s not my fault. It’s fate. *** When I’m president, I’ll have things whipped into shape in no time. *** Why can’t I ever build character at a Miami condo or a casino somewhere? *** Ever notice how tense grown-ups get when they’re recreating? *** Any game without push-ups, hits or noogies is a sissy game.

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