Everything I Ever Needed to Know I Learned From Calvin – Part 6 

Oh, you know Dad. He’ll get mad no matter WHERE we dig. *** Boy, I’m in a bad mood today! Everyone had better steer clear of me! I hate EVERYBODY! As far as I’m concerned, everyone on the planet can just drop dead. People are scum. WELL-L-L? DOESN’T ANYONE WANT TO CHEER ME UP?!? *** PLEEAASE snow! Please?? Just a foot! Ok, eight inches! That’s all! C’mon! Six inches, even! How about just six?? I’M WAAIITING… RRRRGGHHH DO YOU WANT ME TO BECOME AN ATHEIST? *** Mothers are the necessity of invention. *** OK, Dad. I’ll just stay here quietly growing up at an unbelievable rate, never spending much special time with my own Dad who’s always working. *** I don’t understand how Santa runs his operation. How can he afford to give toys away? How does he pay for the raw materials he uses to make the toys? How does he pay his elves? There’s no income to cover his costs. How does he do it? Sooner or later it’s going to catch up to him, and then where will I be?! *** Getting an inch of snow is like winning 10 cents in the lottery. *** I’ve been good all day so far. Christmas is getting near, huh? You got it. I’ve been wondering, though. Is it truly being good if the only reason I behave well is so I can get more loot at Christmas? I mean, really, all I’m doing is saying I can be bribed. Is that good enough, or do I have to be good in my heart and spirit? In other words, do I really have to BE good or do I have to ACT good? *** I find my life is a lot easier the lower I keep everyone’s expectations. *** I say it’s a fallacy that kids need 12 years of school! Three months is plenty! Look at me. I’m smart! I don’t need 11 1/2 more years of school! It’s a complete waste of my time! *** There’s nothing prettier than new fallen snow on a clear freezing moonlit night. …through a window, that is.

Advertisements