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27 Witticisms from John Piper Sermons
· There aren’t normal people – just weird people.
· Or are you phlegmatic? I don’t know what that word means, I’ve just heard it a lot. I hope I’m using it right.
· Paul might say – ‘If Piper wants to take a one hour read and turn it into a ten year project, that’s his call’
· I would have a heart attack at the movies – just the trailers!
· For everything thing there is a season . . . turn, turn, turn. . .
· It just couldn’t be clearer: You’re gonna eat fish in the kingdom!
· I wish I could say to Christ ‘I precious you, I precious you’, but it sounds so stupid.
· They got a law about ferrets. I told that to my wife and she said ‘I don’t even know what a ferret is!’
· ‘For’ – and don’t miss that word. If that word isn’t in your bible, get another Bible!
· If you’ve borrowed a book from someone, . . . say, a pastor, . . . and you’ve had it for three or four years and you’ve forgotten about it – he’s forgotten about it.
· This is the doctrine of salvation by grace apart from Vegetables.
· You club people to death with the Log hanging out of your eye.
· My mother taught me to knit when I was a boy . . . I didn’t do it long.
· I’m so thankful that Paul has memory lapses . . very comforting, Paul.
· Constant selective neglect of good things is what my life seems to be.
· <When you give, we want> Happy checks! That’s all! Keep your burden checks!
· You ought to turn your phone off when you call your wife.
· The verse doesn’t mean the opposite of what it says.
· This is what preachers do at 5:30 on Friday afternoon – we pound our heads on the desk and say “What does this say?”
· We’re fondling our little roaches, our little scorpions, our little tarantulas. ‘They’re so fuzzy and warm’…and then the light goes on.
· If you don’t like being a sheep, get over it.
· “Golf to the glory of God” – I can see it. . . I would have to learn how to golf. . .
· And if my soul could talk back to me, he’d say “I know this already!”
· <I have always sat in the pews among you while we worship> except for the first ten years when I sat up here in my big throne like a king over his minions.
· . . . At Wheaton, where I discovered that not all Christians are Baptists.
· Language frustrates me pretty much every day.
· That was five – this is four. . . you can number them anyway you like.
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