Pastor Piper’s Witticisms

A friend  suggested that last week’s Friday Everything might go over better if I bulleted it and gave it a different title. Who am I to doubt?

 

27 Witticisms from John Piper Sermons

 

·         There aren’t normal people – just weird people.

·         Or are you phlegmatic? I don’t know what that word means, I’ve just heard it a lot. I hope I’m using it right.

·         Paul might say – ‘If Piper wants to take a one hour read and turn it into a ten year project, that’s his call’

·         I would have a heart attack at the movies – just the trailers!

·         For everything thing there is a season . . . turn, turn, turn. . .

·         It just couldn’t be clearer: You’re gonna eat fish in the kingdom!

·         I wish I could say to Christ ‘I precious you, I precious you’, but it sounds so stupid.

·         They got a law about ferrets. I told that to my wife and she said ‘I don’t even know what a ferret is!’

·         ‘For’ – and don’t miss that word. If that word isn’t in your bible, get another Bible!

·         If you’ve borrowed a book from someone, . . . say, a pastor, . . . and you’ve had it for three or four years and you’ve forgotten about it – he’s forgotten about it.

·         This is the doctrine of salvation by grace apart from Vegetables.

·         You club people to death with the Log hanging out of your eye.

·         My mother taught me to knit when I was a boy . . . I didn’t do it long.

·         I’m so thankful that Paul has memory lapses . . very comforting, Paul.

·         Constant selective neglect of good things is what my life seems to be.

·         <When you give, we want> Happy checks! That’s all! Keep your burden checks!

·         You ought to turn your phone off when you call your wife.

·         The verse doesn’t mean the opposite of what it says.

·         This is what preachers do at 5:30 on Friday afternoon – we pound our heads on the desk and say “What does this say?”

·         We’re fondling our little roaches, our little scorpions, our little tarantulas. ‘They’re so fuzzy and warm’…and then the light goes on.

·         If you don’t like being a sheep, get over it.

·         “Golf to the glory of God” – I can see it. . . I would have to learn how to golf. . .

·         And if my soul could talk back to me, he’d say “I know this already!”

·         <I have always sat in the pews among you while we worship> except for the first ten years when I sat up here in my big throne like a king over his minions.

·         . . . At Wheaton, where I discovered that not all Christians are Baptists.

·      Language frustrates me pretty much every day.

·         That was five – this is four. . . you can number them anyway you like.

 

Okay, internet . . . do your thing.