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A piece of writing/speaking advice – the next time you’re about to type/say “may or may not” – consider just “may not” (example “. . . Here I am giving parenting advice that may not be original”). It’s simpler, sounds a bit less pretentious, and the four word version may not add anything.
I have added several more definitions to those I had last time , cleaned them up and alphabetized them.
Again, some disclaimers –
(1) In some cases, he explicitly gives credit to others for being a source for the definition,
(2) In some cases, these are definitions derived from specific biblical passages.
(3) This most likely still not a complete list, but it was all I could find.
(4) I have edited some of these a bit.
(5) Some of these are not in full context, and the link should be clicked (see specifically: Prayer)
The John Piper Dictionary
Affections (or what most people today mean by feelings): The more vigorous and sensible exercises of the inclination and will of the soul. In other words, the feelings that really matter are not mere physical sensations. They are the stirring up of the soul with some perceived treasure or threat.
Anxiety: The loss of confident security in God owing to feelings of uneasiness or foreboding that something harmful is going to happen.
Apostle: One who is sent to represent another person with authority
Atonement: The work of God in Christ, by his obedience and death, by which he cancelled the debt of our sin, appeased his
Burden: Anything that threatens to crush the joy of our faith—whether a tragedy that threatens to make us doubt God’s
Christian Hedonism: A philosophy of life built on the following five convictions:
l. The longing to be happy is a universal human experience, and it is good, not sinful.
2. We should never try to deny or resist our longing to be happy, as though it were a bad impulse. Instead we should seek to intensify this longing and nourish it with whatever will provide the deepest and most enduring satisfaction.
3. The deepest and most enduring happiness is found only in God.
4. The happiness we find in God reaches its consummation when it is shared with others in the manifold ways of love.
5. To the extent we try to abandon the pursuit of our own pleasure, we fail to honor God and love people. Or, to put it positively: the pursuit of pleasure is a necessary part of all worship and virtue. That is, The chief end of man is to glorify God by enjoying him forever.
Christian Leadership: Broadly speaking, a person is more or less a Christian leader as that person exerts more or less Christian influence in Christian ways. Or to put it another way, to the degree that you shape others toward the image of Christ you are a Christian leader.
Christian Love: Finding one’s own joy in actively working for the joy of another, even at the self-sacrificial cost of one’s own private pleasure, all for the glory of God.
Covetousness: Desiring something so much that you lose your contentment in God.
Envy: A mingling of a desire for something with the resentment that another is enjoying it and you are not.
Faith: Hebrews 11:1 is the closest thing we have to definition of faith in all the New Testament, I think: Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.
Glory of God: The infinite beauty and greatness of His manifold perfections.
Freedom: You are fully free—completely free, free indeed—when you have the desire, the ability, and the opportunity to do what will make you happy in a thousand years. Or we could say, You are fully free when you have the desire, the ability, and the opportunity to do what will leave you no regrets forever.
God’s righteousness: His unwavering commitment to uphold and display the greatness of his glory and the honor of his name.
Headship: The divine calling of a husband to take primary responsibility for Christ-like servant leadership, protection, and provision in the home.
Hope (Three senses): 1. a desire for something good in the future,
2. the thing in the future that we desire, and
3.the basis reason for thinking that our desire may indeed be fulfilled.
Idolatry: Valuing any thing or any person more than the one true God. An idol is any thing or any person that takes center stage in our affections
imago Dei: That in man which constitutes him as he-whom-God-loves.
Imputation: The act in which God counts sinners to be righteousness through their faith in Christ on the basis of Christ’s perfect “blood and righteousness,” specifically the righteousness that Christ accomplished by his perfect obedience in life and death.
Infinite: Something that can give away forever and never get smaller. Infinite gives and gives and gives and never becomes less.
Legalism: (1) Treating biblical standards of conduct as regulations to be kept by our own power in order to earn God’s favor. . . .
(2): The erecting of specific requirements of conduct beyond the teaching of Scripture and making adherence to them the means by which a person is qualified for full participation in the local family of God, the church; This is where unbiblical exclusivism arises.
Love: Love is the overflow of joy in God that meet the needs of others. Or: The grace-enabled impulse to increase your joy by seeing it expand into other people.
Lust: Sexual desire that dishonors its object and disregards God.
MATURE FEMININITY: A FREEING DISPOSITION TO AFFIRM, RECEIVE AND NURTURE STRENGTH AND LEADERSHIP FROM WORTHY MEN IN WAYS APPROPRIATE TO A WOMAN’S DIFFERING RELATIONSHIPS.
MATURE MASCULINITY: A SENSE OF BENEVOLENT RESPONSIBILITY TO LEAD, PROVIDE FOR AND PROTECT WOMEN IN WAYS APPROPRIATE TO A MAN’S DIFFERING RELATIONSHIPS.
New Self: The self that looks to Christ as its Savior and Lord and Treasure and Joy and Satisfaction.
Prayer: Asking God for things.
Racism: Racism is an explicit or implicit belief or practice that qualitatively distinguishes or values one race over other races.
Reason: The faculty by which one consciously sustains a process of “identifying one’s impressions in conceptual terms, of integrating every event and every observation into a conceptual context, of grasping relationships, differences, similarities in one’s perceptual material and of abstracting them into new concepts, of drawing interferences, of making deductions, of reaching conclusions …” (Ayn Rand, “The Objectivist Ethics,” p. 20).
Relativism: Belief in one of these four things-
1) There is no objective, external standard for measuring the truth or falsehood of a factual statement (like “John MacArthur is tall.)” Or
2) there may be an external standard, but we can’t know if there is. Or
3) there may be one, but no one can figure out what it means, so it can’t function as a standard. Or
4) there may be an external, objective standard, but I don’t care what it is; I’m not going to base my convictions on it.
Risk: An action that exposes you to the possibility of loss or injury.
Sexism: An explicit or implicit belief or practice that qualitatively distinguishes or values one sex over the other.
Shame (dictionary definition): The painful emotion caused by a consciousness of guilt or shortcoming or impropriety.
Sin: Lawlessness. In other words sin is man’s refusal to submit to God’s law, that is, God’s Word. It is insubordination.
Spiritual Gifts: Abilities by which we receive the grace of God and disburse that grace to others.
Submission: The divine calling of a wife to honor and affirm her husband’s leadership and help carry it through according to her gifts.
Sustaining Grace: Not grace to bar what is not bliss, nor flight from all distress, but this: The grace that orders our trouble and pain, and then, in the darkness, is there to sustain.
The Church (Local): A group of baptized believers who meet regularly to worship God through Jesus Christ, to be exhorted from the Word of God, and to celebrate the Lord’s Supper under the guidance of duly appointed leaders.
The Flesh: The closest thing to a Biblical definition of the flesh is Romans 8:7-8, “The mind that is set on the flesh is hostile to God; it does not submit to God’s law, indeed it cannot; and those who are in the flesh cannot please God.”
The Love of God: His doing whatever needs to be done, at whatever cost, so that we will see and be satisfied with the glory of God in Jesus Christ.
The Occult: Anything that involves dealings with the world of spirits or of supra-normal forces which (dealings) are not oriented on Jesus as he is revealed in the Bible.
The Wrath of God: God’s settled anger toward sin expressed in the repayment of suitable vengeance on the guilty sinner.
Urban ministry: The effort in the name of Christ,by the strength of Christ, for the glory of Christ, to waken in people of all ethnic groups transforming faith in Christ and the fruit of obedience to Christ, by proclaiming Christ in the gospel and by showing Christ in acts of practical, persevering, sacrificial, courageous, liberating, stabilizing, burden-lifting, productivity-enhancing, family-strengthening, community-building, Christ-celebrating love, in the face of the peculiar concentration of pain and poverty and sin and brokenness and dysfunction that all come together in the urban centers of the world, including the Twin Cities.
Wisdom (1): The ability of the soul to perceive God-glorifying, Christ-exalting, gospel-fashioned, people-helping ways to live, with the knowledge God gives us – not only the ability to memorize specific biblical rules of behavior.
Wisdom (2): Knowing what the greatest goal is in any situation, and what the best way is to achieve it.
Wisdom of the World: The use of the human mind to achieve and maintain a ground for boasting before God and man.
Everything I Ever Needed To Know I Learned From C.S. Lewis’s The Silver Chair
However tired you are, it takes some nerve to walk up to a giant’s front door. *** Don’t look frightened, whatever you do. *** Beetles fancy other beetles, they do say. *** Smells alright, but that’s nothing to go by. *** If you can swim, a giant bath is a lovely thing. *** I know nothing so disagreeable as being kissed by a giantess. *** Many fall down, and few return to the sunlit lands. *** Many come down and few return to the sunlit lands. *** Many sink down and few return to the sunlit lands. *** There are no accidents; . . he knew all things that would come of them, including this. *** There is nothing like a good shock of pain for dissolving certain kinds of magic. *** I’m a chap who likes to know the worst and then put the best face I can on it. *** Suppose we have dreamed, or made up all those things – tress and grass and sun and moon and stars. Suppose we have. Then all I can say is that, in that case, the made-up things seem a good deal more important than the real ones. Suppose this black pit of yours is the only world. Then it strikes me as a pretty poor one. And that’s a funny thing, when you come to think of it. We’re just babies making up a game, if you’re right. But four babies playing a game can make a play-world that can like your world hollow. That’s why I’m going to stand by the play-world.
In which I give parenting advice that I just figured out, but may not be original.
One thing I didn’t mention in my story about the swamp hike happened during the second of three geocache hikes. A couple of the younger kids were starting to complain about the hike (they wanted to go home, etc) but I didn’t want to quit.
On the way out to the second cache I happened to see a candy machine. So I said I would buy chocolate* that we could all share if (A) we found the next cache and (B) they didn’t complain while we were doing it.
They liked this idea, and not only did we find the cache (we got a deck of cards as the prize) and not only did the kids not complain, but suddenly, when they were released from the possibility of complaining, they were released TO enjoy it more. And they did. They were running, laughing and climbing. They weren’t just stifling unhappiness, they were actually no longer unhappy.
It cost me two bucks in M&M’s. Well worth it. I recommend it.
* I have no problem with kid bribery if I am trying to get them to do something that is a little above and beyond the call of duty for a child. I.e. I don’t bribe them to obey me.
It has been shown that Sarah Palin’s candidacy has been bile-inducing (HT: Steve). Here, I will attempt to show that her haters are originality-challenged.
Consider the comments from this CNN blog post.
In the first 100 comments:
Jokes* about the “Bridge to Nowhere”: 5
Jokes about Lipstick: 8
Jokes about Moose/Hunting: 13
Jokes about Seeing Russia From Her House**: 22
Certainly their reasons for not liking her are more complex than these sound bites, right?
Also, I had to chuckle at the second comment at another post from this blog.
“Sarah Palin is a metaphor for all that is wrong with America”
Wow. Really? Everything?
* And I use this term lightly.
** And I’m not at all certain that the commenters didn’t know that she didn’t actually say this.
From my wife:
There’s a fine line between being not being blown and tossed by the wind and being a jerk.
Sunday afternoon, our family went to a park gathering of several families at our church.
3 Notable things:
1. There was a couple very new to our group there and I asked them how they met. As it turned out they met commenting on each others blog. She lived in California and he here in Minnesota. There are some who advise against one-line dating, but they went about it wisely (her father was significantly involved) and God has blessed them.
2. There’s a guy in our group (a professional musician) who noted that he had never had the experience of sliding into home. They made him do it.
3. This picnic ended at 5:00. Our small group meeting was to start at 6:00 very near where the first picnic was. Driving home would be a waste of time. So we picked up some Subway, found a new park with a lake and playground and went on another picnic.
Everything I Ever Needed To Know I Learned From The Book Of Jonah
What do you mean, you sleeper? Arise, call out to your god! Perhaps the god will give a thought to us, that we may not perish. *** I fear the Lord, the God of heaven, who made the sea and the dry land *** You, O Lord, have done as it pleased you. *** I called out to the Lord, out of my distress,and he answered me; *** For you cast me into the deep, into the heart of the seas, and the flood surrounded me; all your waves and your billows passed over me. *** I shall again look upon your holy temple. *** Lord my God, when my life was fainting away, I remembered the Lord, and my prayer came to you, into your holy temple. *** Those who pay regard to vain idols forsake their hope of steadfast love. But I with the voice of thanksgiving will sacrifice to you. *** Salvation belongs to the Lord! *** By the decree of the king and his nobles: Let neither man nor beast, herd nor flock, taste anything; Let them call out mightily to God. *** Let everyone turn from his evil way and from the violence that is in his hands. Who knows? God may turn and relent and turn from his fierce anger, so that we may not perish. *** When God saw what they did, how they turned from their evil way, God relented of the disaster. *** You are a gracious God and merciful, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love, and relenting from disaster.
I have previously mentioned that my favorite book is Lord Of The Rings. Nevertheless, I think my favorite author is CS Lewis (not a bold choice, I know).
In the top three of his books is Screwtape. Clever, entertaining, motivating and heart-revealing.
I have also made reference to the fact that I enjoy Monty Python (at least I think I have – if not, my bad). Of this troupe, clearly my favorite of the performers is John Cleese. Smart, articulate, ruthless and very funny
So, what if you could combine these two things?
Happily, you can. Several years ago I got this book on tape, and have enjoyed it greatly. Mr. Cleese shows that he can act.
You might not think the voice of a demon, as written by a college professor and performed by a british comedian with questionable religious beliefs would bring you near tears of joy, but you might also be wrong.
I can’t believe I have blogged for more than a year and a half without recommending this.
Here’s a clip – warning: The visuals are a little cheesy.
Language and words are of significant concern to Pastor Piper (like father like son). It is fairly common to hear him say in a sermon something like, “I think it would be helpful to begin with a definition”.
Apparently, he believes that a good way to avoid being misunderstood is to make sure that others understand what you mean when you use key words.
So I thought it might be helpful to compile a list of some of his definitions. This list follows – but first, a few notes:
(1) In some cases, he explicitly gives credit to others for being a source for the definition,
(2) In some cases, these are definitions derived from specific biblical passages.
(3) I hope to add to this list. This is not a complete list by any means.
(4) I have edited some of these a bit.
Piper Definitions (Part 1):
Spiritual Gifts: Abilities by which we receive the grace of God and disburse that grace to others.
Lust: Sexual desire that dishonors its object and disregards God.
Glory of God: The infinite beauty and greatness of his manifold perfections.
MATURE MASCULINITY: A SENSE OF BENEVOLENT RESPONSIBILITY TO LEAD, PROVIDE FOR AND PROTECT WOMEN IN WAYS APPROPRIATE TO A MAN’S DIFFERING RELATIONSHIPS.
MATURE FEMININITY: A FREEING DISPOSITION TO AFFIRM, RECEIVE AND NURTURE STRENGTH AND LEADERSHIP FROM WORTHY MEN IN WAYS APPROPRIATE TO A WOMAN’S DIFFERING RELATIONSHIPS.
Shame (dictionary definition): The painful emotion caused by a consciousness of guilt or shortcoming or impropriety.
The Love of God: His doing whatever needs to be done, at whatever cost, so that we will see and be satisfied with the glory of God in Jesus Christ.
The Church: It took a whole sermon
The Occult: Anything that involves dealings with the world of spirits or of supra-normal forces which (dealings) are not oriented on Jesus as he is revealed in the Bible.
Racism(As defined by the Bethlehem Staff and Borrowed from the PCA): Racism is an explicit or implicit belief or practice that qualitatively distinguishes or values one race over other races.
Covetousness: Desiring something so much that you lose your contentment in God.
Headship: The divine calling of a husband to take primary responsibility for Christ-like servant leadership, protection, and provision in the home.
Submission: The divine calling of a wife to honor and affirm her husband’s leadership and help carry it through according to her gifts.
The Wrath of God: God’s settled anger toward sin expressed in the repayment of suitable vengeance on the guilty sinner.
Sin: Lawlessness. In other words sin is man’s refusal to submit to God’s law, that is, God’s Word. It is insubordination.
Hope (Three senses): 1. a desire for something good in the future, 2. the thing in the future that we desire, and 3. the basis reason for thinking that our desire may indeed be fulfilled.
Faith: You can see this in Hebrews 11:1. This is the closest thing we have to definition of faith in all the New Testament, I think – Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.
Christian Leadership: Broadly speaking, a person is more or less a Christian leader as that person exerts more or less Christian influence in Christian ways. Or to put it another way, to the degree that you shape others toward the image of Christ you are a Christian leader.
Relativism: Belief in one of these four things- 1) There is no objective, external standard for measuring the truth or falsehood of a factual statement (like “John MacArthur is tall.)” Or 2) there may be an external standard, but we can’t know if there is. Or 3) there may be one, but no one can figure out what it means, so it can’t function as a standard. Or 4) there may be an external, objective standard, but I don’t care what it is; I’m not going to base my convictions on it.
Anxiety: The loss of confident security in God owing to feelings of uneasiness or foreboding that something harmful is going to happen.
Envy: A mingling of a desire for something with the resentment that another is enjoying it and you are not.
Wisdom (1): The ability of the soul to perceive God-glorifying, Christ-exalting, gospel-fashioned, people-helping ways to live, with the knowledge God gives us – not only the ability to memorize specific biblical rules of behavior.
Wisdom (2): Knowing what the greatest goal is in any situation, and what the best way is to achieve it.
The Flesh: The closest thing to a Biblical definition of the flesh is Romans 8:7-8, “The mind that is set on the flesh is hostile to God; it does not submit to God’s law, indeed it cannot; and those who are in the flesh cannot please God.”
Legalism: (1) Treating biblical standards of conduct as regulations to be kept by our own power in order to earn God’s favor. . . .(2): The erecting of specific requirements of conduct beyond the teaching of Scripture and making adherence to them the means by which a person is qualified for full participation in the local family of God, the church; This is where unbiblical exclusivism arises.
It is a blessing from God that some of the most beautiful places on earth are the least usable by industry.
From an editorial in the Star Tribune
But how much better would it be if, instead of praising Sarah Palin for not choosing abortion, we could focus instead on what this child and all disabled Americans need from us?
Yes, how much better! Hey, wait a second, I just had a great idea. Why not do both?
There goes Jamsco – thinking outside the box again!
For the second year in a row, I took all of the kids away for a day trip so that Debbie could spend some time alone, planning out Home Schooling and otherwise getting organized.
I took the kids out on a geocache run. Our goal: to find the Official Historic Geocache at three different state parks.
Notable:
– (Marriage Advice) I recommend helping out your wife in this way.
– (Results) We made our goal.
– (State Park Advice) I have been meaning to write a post about the best State Parks in Minnesota but here is a tip: Think Eastern Border. There are 17 State Parks on the Easter edge of Minnesota and 16 of them are either on Lake Superior, The Mississippi River, or The St. Croix River. These are all great.
– (main story) When we were looking at the last of the three geocaches, the GPS was pointing us across a large prairie. We found a trail that was pointing in the right way and headed down it. It was bringing us right there – only 1000 feet away.
But soon we were discovering that it wasn’t a prairie so much as a wetland. We found that we had to choose our steps carefully to not get our feet muddy. And then we had to choose our steps carefully to not get our feet wet. And a few times I had to carry our kids.
Now, if I had to do it over again, I would have gone a different way (the long way). But when things began to get a little impossible, we had been hiking for twenty minutes and were only about 250 feet away from the cache. This turned out to be the hardest 250 feet I’ve ever hiked.
The last 100 feet, I was effectively wading, because I was heavy enough to step through the weeds with every step. Everyone’s feet were soaked. We were swimming through tall weeds (bulrushes, they called them). At one point I sunk down up to my knee and had to put down my daughter and grab at branches to get myself out.
But what pleased me was the fact that the kids seemed to be having fun, or at least they were enjoying the challenge. Our youngest cried a bit towards the end (there were some sharp weeds that cut him) but otherwise there were no tears. And they all talked excitedly the whole way back to the car (we took the long way) about what they had just been through and how they wanted to tell their mom.
It was almost worth the fact that we’ll probably have to buy a few pairs of shoes and socks and maybe jeans and jackets to replace the ones we wrecked.
As we put them to bed, our oldest said “I feel like church was yesterday”. It has indeed been a long day.
Everything I Ever Needed To Know I Learned From Calvin
You should be glad we’re alive. *** When I grow up, I’m going to live a million miles away from everyone! *** I haven’t had any adventures! My life has been a big bore from the beginning! Have I ever been abducted by pirates? Have I ever faced down a charging rhino? Have I ever been in a shoot-out, or on a bombing raid? No! I never get to have adventures! *** These television programs sure are rotten. There isn’t an ounce of imagination in the whole bunch. What bilge. Who do they think is stupid enough to sit and watch this trash? If there was anything BETTER on, I’d watch THAT. *** I’m not her valentine just because I got this in the mail, am I? Does the post-master general know about this? *** Dad says the anticipation of having something is often more fun than actually having it. I think he’s crazy. I hate waiting for things. I like to have everything immediately. I can’t think of ANYthing I’d rather anticipate than have right away. *** I wish snow was dry, so that you didn’t get all cold and wet when you played in it. …then again, if snow was dry, you couldn’t pack it into snowballs. That wouldn’t be good. I wish it snowed in summer. Wouldn’t that be fun? … Well no, actually that would make it hard to run when you play baseball. Heck, it’s OK just the way it is. *** I can never enjoy Sundays, because in the back of my mind, I always know I’ve got to go to school the next day. It’s like trying to enjoy your last meal before the execution. *** I can’t believe this. Every day I get all my hopes up, thinking my beanie will come… and then it doesn’t. And for each day that goes by, I figure the odds are better that it will come the NEXT day, so my hopes get higher and higher before they fall. It’s awful. But I’ve been disappointed so often now, I’m finally getting numb to it. *** The longer you wait for the mail, the less there is in it.
I think it is a truism that the more a wise/strong/good-hearted a person is, the more we value praise from that person. Given this, it would make sense that the best person to be praised by is God.
But is God, who is to be praised above all things, and who wants us to never cease in glorifying him, even in the business of praising humans?
Happily the answer is ‘yes’.
Proverbs 31:30
A woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
Wow, God (the ultimate being – through the Proverbs writer) says that it is right and just that a truly God-fearing woman will have good things spoken about her.
Proverbs 19:11
. . . and it is his glory to overlook an offense.
If I didn’t know that this was in the bible, I would say – no – only God deserves glory – but the wise man says – no – humans who ignore that certain people do bad things to us also should get glory from other humans.
Again, wow.
And if you are one of those kinds of people, you can say “Thanks, God!”
I will probably never do this, but I have considered making a category called “Really Really At Your Own Risk”. If I were to do that, I would put the Dilbert blog there.
It is often quite offensive (although he has of late attempted to make it less so) and Scott Adams is mostly Atheistic and is not shy about this.
But his posts are often quite thoughtful or funny, or both.
This post specifically is good commentary. He obviously wouldn’t buy the idea that God is witness to everything we do, but I like his explanation for why kids desire attention, and it makes their demands for attention more reasonable. So maybe his post will help me become a better father.
How’s this for a theory?:– What you think about cats is what you hope or what you are afraid is true about you.
From the British Medical Journal
(And by the way, their answer to both rhetorical questions is ‘Yes’)
. . . Each new UK (United Kingdom) birth will be responsible for 160 times more greenhouse gas emissions . . . than a new birth in Ethiopia.” Should UK doctors break a deafening silence here? “Population” and “family planning” seem taboo words and were notably absent from two BMJ editorials on climate change. Although we endorse everything that those editorials recommended, isn’t contraception the medical profession’s prime contribution for all countries?
. . . We must not put pressure on people, but by providing information on the population and the environment, and appropriate contraception for everyone (and by their own example), doctors should help to bring family size into the arena of environmental ethics, analogous to avoiding patio heaters and high carbon cars.
Yes, having fewer kids is a very effective way to reduce your community’s carbon footprint. Also effective (but not noted here): suicide. And murder.
So the question we need to ask is – is Human Life more important than being green?
Everything I Ever Needed To Know I Learned From C.S. Lewis’s “The Silver Chair” (Part 1 of 3)
I’ve an idea that all those circles and things are rather rot. I don’t think he’d like them. It would look as if we thought we could make him do things. But really, we can only ask him. *** It’s an extraordinary thing about girls that they never know the points of the compass. *** Crying is alright while it lasts. But you have to stop sooner or later and then you still have to decide what to do. *** If you are thirsty, you may drink. *** I have swallowed up girls and boys, women and men, kings and emperors, cities and realms. *** You would not have called to me if you had not been calling to you. *** The first step is to remember. *** The signs you have learned here will not look at all as you expect them to look, when you meet them there. That is why it is so important for you to know them by heart and pay no attention to appearances. *** Remember the signs and believe the signs. Nothing else matters. *** How little anyone knows what is going to happen to them next. *** It is a very funny thing that the sleepier you are, the longer you take about getting to bed; especially if you are lucky enough to have a fire in your room. *** There’s nothing so sustaining as a nice plump little bat. *** There is no true vengeance on a witless brute as their might be on a man. *** How beastly one feels after sleeping in one’s clothes. *** What’s food for wiggles might be poison for humans. *** Walks after the first halt — like school mornings after break or railway journeys after changing trains – never go on as they were before. *** It is not pleasant to be within a mile of quarrelling giants.
While I am not fond of spiders, I find spider webs to be quite interesting and somewhat beautiful. Nevertheless, our family encountered a large web last week that I think indicates great initiative but poor planning. And I blame the spider’s parents.
It was big and impressive, but it was placed just outside of our porch door, parallel with it and only a few feet from the glass, so that anyone who comes through the door had to be very careful not to walk right into it. There are a few tips that I would expect mother and father spiders to teach their children, and one of them is “Don’t work for a whole day putting a web in a human high traffic area! It’s just going to get wrecked!”
This should be right between “Take care not to step on the sticky part of the web” and “If it’s a stink bug, let it go.”
If this spider didn’t grow up in an orphanage, some mom or dad spider dropped the ball.
But I hear the spider-parent-defender: Well, maybe this is one of those spiders out of a cheesy scary movie from the seventies. Maybe it’s trying to feast on humans. To this I respond: Hey Scary Movie Spider Parents! My six year old daughter took a stick and got rid of it in about five seconds. Teach your youngsters to start smaller – like with squirrels or something.
This isn’t rocket science!
The Responsible Puppet 