Everything I Ever Needed To Know I Learned From Calvin


You should be glad we’re alive. *** When I grow up, I’m going to live a million miles away from everyone! *** I haven’t had any adventures! My life has been a big bore from the beginning! Have I ever been abducted by pirates? Have I ever faced down a charging rhino? Have I ever been in a shoot-out, or on a bombing raid? No! I never get to have adventures!  *** These television programs sure are rotten. There isn’t an ounce of imagination in the whole bunch. What bilge. Who do they think is stupid enough to sit and watch this trash? If there was anything BETTER on, I’d watch THAT. *** I’m not her valentine just because I got this in the mail, am I? Does the post-master general know about this? *** Dad says the anticipation of having something is often more fun than actually having it. I think he’s crazy.  I hate waiting for things. I like to have everything immediately. I can’t think of ANYthing I’d rather anticipate than have right away. *** I wish snow was dry, so that you didn’t get all cold and wet when you played in it. …then again, if snow was dry, you couldn’t pack it into snowballs. That wouldn’t be good. I wish it snowed in summer. Wouldn’t that be fun? … Well no, actually that would make it hard to run when you play baseball. Heck, it’s OK just the way it is. *** I can never enjoy Sundays, because in the back of my mind, I always know I’ve got to go to school the next day. It’s like trying to enjoy your last meal before the execution. *** I can’t believe this. Every day I get all my hopes up, thinking my beanie will come… and then it doesn’t. And for each day that goes by, I figure the odds are better that it will come the NEXT day, so my hopes get higher and higher before they fall. It’s awful. But I’ve been disappointed so often now, I’m finally getting numb to it. *** The longer you wait for the mail, the less there is in it.