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Everything I Ever Needed To Know I Learned From Summa Elvetica, By Theo Beale

An absence of murderous intent is a quality to cherish in a slave. *** There is as little similarity between the eye and the stomach, though a man is wise to value both. In the service of God, who is to say which is the more needful? *** Let everything that hath breath praise the Lord indeed, for do not our brothers the birds greet the new day with a song sweeter than any sung by man?” *** Above man: the angels. Below him: the beasts. Can it be said that there is room between man and angel, or between man and beast? *** Neither good nor bad angels can create anything. ***Immaterial substance can be made only by God, since it has no matter from which to be made. Its creation can be the action of God alone. But as Petrus Lombardus writes, God can communicate to a creature the power of creating, so that the latter can create ministerially, not by its own power. From this it follows that the first separate substance created by God created another after itself, in a process that continues to this day. Thus was the substance of the world created, and thus is it that the substance of the world creates the matter of inferior bodies. *** We are freed from the chains of guilt by the blood of the Immaculate  *** It’s quite common for rulers who wish their rule to continue to take a dim view of unknown visitors being armed in their presence. *** We worship a God who became man. There is nothing less immaterial than that. *** If it was so easy for a man to pick out another man willing to kill him, no king would have ever been murdered by his successor. *** When money and power were at stake, no man’s life could be deemed entirely safe, not even his own. *** Son, there are times when a battle isn’t going well and you begin to think it will be your last. In those times, a man has two choices: curse God or praise Him. It’s in those times that a man discovers who he is. *** I will give thanks to the Lord because of His righteousness and I will sing praise to the name of the Lord Most High.

Today I asked my wife if she would write something for my blog. This is what she sent:


I had a few moments this last Friday where I could hardly contain the pride I felt for my children.  I found myself wondering, “Is it a sin for me to feel so proud right now?”  Our entire family was outside on that day, and it was a beautiful day for yard work.  I was on the riding lawn mower, and we had the bags attached so that we could dump the mulched leaves into our compost pile.  We worked out a little system where every time I drove up to the compost pile and stopped (I could only make it around the yard once before the bags were full), half of my kids would come running as if they were attendants at a service station.  Two kids would empty the two bags into the leaf pile, and a third kid would empty out the big fat (and dirty) tube. Then they would return everything to its place, and I’d be on my way.  Meanwhile, the other three kids were watching and playing happily with our two-year-old nephew, sometimes pulling him out of my way.  I thought more than once, “Is this perfect, or what?”  and then proceeded to thank my heavenly Father for the blessings he has given our family; the blessing of six children, the blessing of friends, relatives and books from which we’ve obtained solid biblical advice about how to train and disciple children, and most of all, the blessing of God’s Son who  provided the way to overcome sin and experience true life.  “This,” I thought, with my children scampering all over yard to be helpful, “is a foretaste of heaven.”

As I write, however, I need to go disciple my children; evidently one of them was jumping on the couch, so another one felt the need to hit and strangle her.  Then the oldest pushed her off the couch completely.  I wish she would stop wailing in my ear.  (Sigh)  This is called the blessing of learning how to sacrifice one’s self and be more Christ-like.


<Jamsco again> In my defense (lest you think I am lazy), I was using the push mower.


. . . goin’ all hurtful on the Get Rich Quick Pastors.

Pastor Piper this past Sunday:


Of course, contrary to what the Prosperity Gospel teaches, wealth is not usually a blessing. It is usually a curse. Jesus said, “It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to enter the kingdom of God” (Luke 18:25). Wealth is a mortal danger for those who have it. It does not make us generous and humble. It makes us buy more stuff, and it numbs our conscience because we have to blind ourselves to our inconsistencies with the Calvary road.


Paul said to the prosperity preachers of his day, “Those who desire to be rich fall into temptation, into a snare, into many senseless and harmful desires that plunge people into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evils. It is through this craving that some have wandered away from the faith and pierced themselves with many pangs” (1 Timothy 6:9-10).


No, it isn’t for lack of money that there are 1,568 peoples with no missionaries. It’s because we have so much. The comforts of the West have made us soft and cautious and fearful and indulgent and self-protecting, instead of tough and risk-taking and bold and self-controlled and self-sacrificing. When prosperity preachers fly their personal jets to the Two-thirds World and promise the poor that if they believe in Jesus, they will get rich, they are not doing Christian missions. They are destroying its foundations. That is not the gospel that saves and produces sacrifice.


Where do missionaries come from? Most of the peoples that are still unreached today are in places that are dangerous. Nobody who has the mindset of the Prosperity Gospel is going to be a missionary among those peoples. The only ones who go will have the mind of Christ—who came not to be served but to serve and give his life as a ransom for many, and who said, “As the Father has sent me, so I am sending you (Mark 10:45; John 20:21). I don’t send you to get rich. I send you out as sheep in the midst of wolves (Matthew 10:16).



Every outfit worn by any human should have at least one pocket.

A while ago I came up with a word game and I’m wondering if anyone can beat me.*


Here is the (somewhat recursive) set of steps:


Step 0. Start with a one-letter letter word.

Step 1. Add a letter to what you have in such a way that the new set of letters is a real word. (You can put letters in the middle of the word, but you can’t change the order of the letters).

Step 2. Repeat Step One until you can’t add a letter that will result in a real word.










The longer (in terms of letters) the word you end up with, the better you have done.


One extra rule: No proper nouns. 

And one obvious statement: Since the only one letter words are I, O and A (right? – I just checked “O” in the dictionary and it is a word), you have to start with those three.


I have been able to get up to seven letters several times, but not eight. If you can get an eight letter word in this game, let me know. I’m sure someone will be able to.


So open up a word document and try it!

* There is a reasonable chance that this is not original to me, so if you have seen this before, let me know.

It’s Snowing!!

Everything I Ever Needed To Know I Learned From Summa Elvetica, By Theodore Beale – The First 75 Pages

Go with God, and the grace of our living Lord be upon you. *** Only a philosopher or a fool doubts his own existence. *** Decisions must be made, though the decision makers be fallible. *** Glory to God. *** To be so sure, so secure in one’s faith—surely that was a wonderful thing! And yet, what was a man’s mind for, if not to use it? *** Make the mistake of allowing one snake into the Senate, and I assure you a thousand will soon squirm in behind him! *** No one survives long without learning something, no matter how stupid he might be to start. *** Chance is everywhere. *** It takes more than a scratch from an orc to kill a dwarf. *** Every man has his price. *** Defend us, preserve your humble servants, O most pure and perfect Lord, even as we walk into the shadows of evil. *** Yes, grant us wisdom, almighty God. Grant us knowledge to separate the wheat from the chaff, to cleave the sheep from the goats. Give us Your eyes, Lord God, that we may see the soulless spirits of evil that seek nothing but ruin and distinguish them from the souls that may be saved for Your glory. *** Even generals accorded the signal honor of a Triumph are usually forgotten within a decade. *** Did one simply wait for inspiration to strike? That seemed insensible. After all, a man might wait all his life for inspiration to arrive of its own accord. *** All things serve a purpose; our inability to discern that purpose does not indicate its absence, only our shortcomings.” *** One can’t be sure of what one doesn’t know.  *** It takes a brave lad to admit he’s afraid. *** No one is afraid of goblin infantry, nor should anyone be, unless they happen to outnumber you fifty to one. *** Fear has a specific object—not unlike hope, usually. But the object of hope is a future good. A difficult one, perhaps, but always something that is possible to obtain. The object of fear, on the other hand, is a future evil, an evil that irresistible only because it is desired. *** Wisdom and wine are wasted on the young. *** It’s a terrible sound, an arrow striking a man. *** You see, lad, there’s no promise less likely to be kept than one made by a frightened man. You’ll do well to remember that, should you ever find a frightened man making you one. *** God hates the arrogant and He hates the proud. But not all pride is out of place. There is a pride that would rule and a pride that would serve. The pride that makes a man hold his ground and refuse to be the first to run when his cohort is being pressed hard by the foe, that is a good thing, a needful thing. It is a strength. The pride that causes a commander to despise his enemy counterpart, that is a fatal flaw.

I thought you might be interested in another list of my favorite texts that people searched on to get to this blog:

– debra winger + tickling

– mickey mouse peppy puppet 2

– ultimate puppet guide maple


-alba, -biel, -simpson, -lynch, -lunsfor


– “bob denver” “good looking”


– Erchomai “one place to another”


– Young grwon ups should leave their family


– Bible verse relating to jogging


– puppet eighties hah!


– shortened pinky


– what happens if you eat a blue crayon


– john madden bluebird wonder lodge


– can a cholesteatoma make your body shake


– tom hanks paprika


– what happens if i dont have the cholesteatoma


– we have a no see um infestation in our house


– predestination sadistic god offensive


– tuba notes for “dirty diana”

For what thanksgiving can we return to God for you, for all the joy that we feel for your sake before our God, 10 as we pray most earnestly night and day that we may see you face to face and supply what is lacking in your faith?


I have thought that it would be interesting to come up with a game where various Christian sounding passages would be given and the goal for the player would be to try to figure out it is from the Bible or not.


If such a game existed, and this passage had been given to me, I would have been wrong. I would have said that this wasn’t in the Bible.


The part that would have gotten me is the seven words: “supply what is lacking in your faith”. Paul is saying this as if this is something he (and I assume) other humans can do. And I would have said – No, humans can’t do that for other people. Only God does that.


Before noting this passage I would have said it would be nearly blasphemous for one human to say of another “I can supply what is lacking in his faith”.


But yet is there, and must be possible. I assume it is possible and even prescribed for all Christians. And what an honor, if we get the calling to do this.


Since one of my most significant relationships as a Christian is with my children, I typically try to consider passages in light of my role as a father. So it seems to me that this passage suggests that I should try to supply what is lacking in my son’s and daughter’s faith. I thank God that he is using me in this way. I need to make it a higher goal.


Pieces are missing; I must do my best to fill the gaps.

As of today, and for the next two and a half months, the JamFam (my family) has children aged 5, 6, 7 (Anna), 8, 9 and 10.

. . . in which no wereseals are harmed . . . or even mentioned.

Based in The Wrath Of Angels, By Theodore Beale. As a disclaimer, let me state that I have it on good authority that it is often the case that high quality fantasy writing starts out slowly.



Chapter 29 ½


The Visit Several Years Before









– Cleese, Chapman, Gilliam, Idle, Jones, and Palin





In the late summer of 1984, the mirror like surface of the small lake was disturbed by a small boat heading out towards the center of it. as

            As he piloted the boat, Joseph wondered about his passengers. He was a scuba instructor who based his company in West Mercia, England. These two young men (19 years old? 20?) had walked into his base of operations the day before with the request that he bring them out to do some diving, not in the Channel, but in a lake that he had never heard of just outside of nearby Sevesham. And, Oh yeah, they wanted to bring down to the bottom a fairly heavy and sizable box (about half a cubic meter) with them. And they were reticent to tell him what was in it.

            While he was trying to find the best position on the lake, he heard them talking to each other, just over the sound of the motor. Tommy, who was obviously the leader, kept talking about information that he had gained in some mysterious manner from a person named Lionel. When his partner, Jack, heard that “the Lady” was not always “in there” he started to get upset until he was assured that now would be the time that she would typically be at “the location”. Okay, either they were crazy or some kind of fortune hunters. Occam’s razor suggested the latter.

            But as they were paying him a large sum, he chose to . . . not be curious.

            <Note that here True Beale Stylistic Format dictates that there would be some attention put on the mechanics of the Skuba dive procedure, showing that the author is in fact knowledgeable about the subject matter and filling out the narrative. Ideally, this would not be tedious to the reader who knew nothing about diving in the least. In this case, there would be discussion between the guide and his customers about proper diving technique and words spent describing the putting on of the dive paraphernalia. And I actually did some research in this area. But I want this to actually be a short story, not an epic short story, so I’m just skipping to . . . >

A half an hour later, after they had been down at the bottom for a few minutes, it was obvious to Joseph that his customers were looking for something. As luck would have it, he was the first to stumble across it. One moment he was pushing some weeds out from in front of his face; the next moment he was lying in a large open hall surrounded by walls with tapestries. With no sign of the water he had been swimming in.


He was taken aback. How could this be possible? The ceiling was obviously higher than the depth of the lake. And then he became certain – this was supernatural in some way. He stood up on the marble floor and took off his mask. And there, watching him, was a woman dressed in white, working on some kind of . . . weaving machine. He had seen nothing like her before. She was beautiful and looking at his with curiosity.

            He had only just noticed her and she was just about to greet him when he heard Tommy and Jack behind him getting up to their feet. Tommy looked back at Jack and said “Go back and get it!”

            “All right” Jack agreed slightly unhappily, and he vanished back into the archway.

            Tommy looked at Joseph, “Sorry, buddy. I wanted to tell you, but we didn’t want to get reported as crazy or anything.”

“All right. So where are we?”

“That, my friend,” and suddenly Tommy was whispering, “is the Lady of the Lake”

“The Lady – “

“You, know from King Arthur and what not?”

“Yes, I know, I’m just a little – ”

Suddenly Tommy was speaking more loudly, “Hale, Lady of the Lake. We have-“

Tommy was interrupted as the large box, and then Jack, appeared in the archway. But he continued: “We have something to show you.”

            The Lady watched with curiosity, first as they set up a machine, (a television, wasn’t it? – in this case they also attached a VCR) and then as images appeared on it.

Coconuts. . . . . A Witch. . . . A Trojan Rabbit . . . Shrubbery. . . An Extremely Aggressive Bunny . . .

Despite herself she found herself engrossed. And then, amused.


= = = = = =


“What about the monitor?” asked Jack, as they were getting their scuba gear back on three hours later.

“Oh, we’ll just leave it. God only knows how much work it would take to get it back up to the surface.”

“Oh, no” said the Lady, speaking up suddenly, “The Heavenly One doesn’t know. How could He? It isn’t in the body of truth yet.”

“I . . . what?”

“In fact, He may not even know you’re here right now.”

“I see . . . Say, why don’t we –“

“But he could know it at any point, if he so chose.”

“Okay! . . . . Great! Good to know . . . so we’re gonna head out now. It was really great meeting you!”

Neither Tommy, nor Jack noticed that, during the whole of the duration of their departure, the Lady was staring at Joseph. And he was staring back.

Their trip back to the surface, and then to the shore was uneventful, but –

            “Say, guys – why don’t you head on out without me.” Joseph’s passengers had fully taken off their gear. He took out his wallet and handed their deposit to them.

“What?” They were stunned. Hadn’t he said earlier that they wouldn’t see a penny until all the gear was cleaned up and in the shop?

            “What about the gear?” asked Tommy.

“Oh, . … I’ll get it cleaned up and . . . well, a friend of mine lives near here and I’m sure he’ll give me a lift home.

            Jack looked at Tommy, who shrugged and they headed back to the truck.

“So what’s next on the list, Dude?” asked Jack.

“Trying to get an audience with the Dali Lama.”

“Oh, yeah. And you say he’s touring on the continent?”

“Yeah, somewhere in Norway, I think. Golfing* on the Fiords I think. In any case, I want to find out if he can translate ‘Gunga Galunga’ for us.”

            Joseph waited for them to walk over the hill until he was alone. He hopped back in to the boat, motored out, got his gear back on, and plunged in.


= = = = = =


Twenty-two years later the Moistened Bint Queen, as the Lady of the Lake now liked to call herself, (but only privately, mind you) found herself at the ending of another audience, this time with three angels and a mortal.

            They had just made the laughable request to take the mighty sword, and now having been gone in the inner chambers for a few minutes to obtain it, were now attempting to depart.

            “We thank you, your Highness” said the strong angel, Khasar. “We have fulfilled our quest”

“And you are now leaving?”

“Yes, our mission is quite urgent”

“Urgent, you say?” asked the Lady, now gazing into the face of the Mortal.

Derek was afraid he’d give something away so he just nodded and said “You got that right, babe.”

“I see.”

The Lady looked at Holli and asked, “Why is this female angel taking on the aspect of a walking pineapple?”

            “Holliel” looked down at herself and saw that she had inadvertently switched to triski-decimus. So stupid! She returned to the appearance of an Angel.

            “So” Holli blurted out quickly “If we could . . depart from your premise, like, right now – that would be great.”

“By all means. You have my permission to take your leave.”


They took her up on it quickly. Soon they were all through the archway and gone.

            The Lady smiled with amusement and waited a few seconds. “And there was much rejoicing,” she mused quietly. And then she said, louder, “They’re gone.”

            One of the tapestries pulled away from a wall and Joseph stepped out.

            “You know that the sword is broken?”

“Of course.”

“And that doesn’t bother you?”

“It’s not the real Excalibur”

“It isn’t?” Joseph was shocked. He could see no way that it hadn’t been the real sword. No way at all.

            “What? Do you would think I would just let four beings, one of which who is almost certainly a false angel and another a mortal, just come in and take the sword I have protected for these centuries, based on a story of Angelic intrigue about which I care nothing? And do you think they could reduce Arthur’s sword to shards that easily?”

            “I was a little surprised at how quickly you agreed. But what did they take?”

            “I’ve fashioned a number of Excalibur doppelgangers for situations like this. This isn’t the first I’ve allowed to leave these chambers.”

            “I see.”

            There was a pause in the conversation.

            Finally Joseph plucked up his courage – “So . . . I couldn’t help but notice . . . “


With a little hesitation, he quoted her – “’Who are you, who are so wise in the ways of Spirits’?”

The Lady’s porcelain cheeks turned slightly pink. “I – I thought it the best idiom at the moment”

“I’m sure you did,” Joseph chuckled. “I can only assume that the boy, who has almost certainly seen . . . your favorite film, was distracted due to his unclothed state. I’m just glad you didn’t ask them their favorite color before you let them into the sword room.”

            “Yes. But it took some discretion on my part.”

            “I bet. In any case, I thought you handled the situation admirably” He sat down next to her, lifted up her hand and kissed it.

            She smiled again. And then she clapped her hands together once. “Now, what do you have for me today?”

            “Season five just came out.” He pulled out the DVD from his jacket pocket and displayed it to her. He then opened the cabinet from underneath the Queen’s loom to find the player that he had brought down through the arch ten years earlier.

            The Lady of the Lake was curious “And does it contain any . . . “

            “I keep telling your Highness that I’m pretty sure the only Arthurian Legend they ever did was in the movie.”

            “Ah,” she replied, obviously disappointed.

            Suddenly, the Lady remembered her ire from a few minutes ago.  “- And TRUST the false Excalibur keeper to not get the line right! How many times have I corrected him, I wonder?” And then she sang out “Yonder Sword-Spirit! It’s ‘None Shall Pass!’”

            “Sorry,” came the deferential reply.


* Too Easy.


Should Mr. Beale wish to include this as part of the appendix of the next edition, he hereby has my permission.

You heard it here third!

There is a blogger known as Original Cyberpunk (or Bruce, take your pick), who runs a blog called the Ranting Room, which he describes a “Practical discussions of the craft, trade, and business of writing – No politics. No gossip. No cute cat stories.”

Every week he puts out a Friday Challenge which is a story writing contest where he judges and comments on the entries – and the winner gets a small prize from his book store.

Last Friday afternoon I sent him an email with a suggestion. Three hours and six minutes later he posted my email in nearly it’s entirety, agreeing with the suggestion. The upshot is this – The next Friday challenge (due this coming Thursday) is to write a short story in one of the Vox Day worlds.

It is my goal to post my entry tomorrow. If you think you’re up to the task – take a shot.

Everything I Ever Needed To Know I Learned From Calvin from Calvin & Hobbes (Part 11)

I’m not having enough fun right now. I’m just having a LITTLE bit of fun. I should be having LOTS of fun. It’s Sunday. I’ve just got a few precious hours of freedom left before I have to go to school tomorrow. Between now and bedtime, I have to squeeze all the fun possible out of every minute! I don’t want to waste a second of liberty! Each moment I should be able to say, “I’m having the time of my life right now!” But here I am and I’m NOT having the time of my life! Valuable minutes are disappearing forever, even as we speak! We’ve got to have MORE fun! C’mon!  ***  When you’re SERIOUS about having fun, it’s not much fun at all! *** Considering that my life’s in shambles right now, could you at least take the blame? *** What’s the point of a propeller beanie if you can’t even fly when you wear it? *** Mom sure can make someone want to do something. *** Nothing helps a bad mood like spreading it around. *** Whenever I need to do some serious thinking, I go for a walk in the woods. There are always a million distractions out here.  *** I don’t believe in ethics any more. As far as I’m concerned, the ends justify the means. Get what you can while the getting’s good – that’s what I say! Might makes right! The winners write the history books! It’s a dog-eat-dog world, so I’ll do whatever I have to, and let others argue about whether it’s “right”or not. I didn’t mean for EVERYONE, you dolt! Just ME! *** I’ve been thinking. Suppose I grow up to be one of the world’s greatest men of all time. Suppose my name will be an inspiration to humanity for eons to come! What will the history books say? They’ll say, “Much of his childhood was spent unwillingly in the bathtub. *** My likely historical significance is a terrible burden.

This is the first Ogden story I ever wrote for my department. You can read about why I did this here.



It was October, and the folks on the seventh floor of JamsCorp’s building 223 knew what that meant. For the past several years, there had been sightings of a non-corporeal entity, in the shape of a man in a business suit carrying a briefcase, floating through the cubicles in the early evenings of the fall. Seventh floor employees feared more sightings this year.


Old-timers on the floor (JamsCorpers who had been there for more than ten years) recognized the account given of this apparition to be a fairly good description of a man who left for work one Thursday evening and never was seen in the Demand Chain Department again.  This Thursday was the thirteenth of October 1998. The man’s name was Mortimor Scarneycreelpy.  


And the next day, on his computer monitor, his coworkers found the ominous message:


“The Redbrick Detail database has been updated with September data.”


It gave some of  Ogden’s coworkers chills to look at the message. This meant that the dreaded data was ready for querying.

I laughed:

Some of the other Tim Hawkins stuff is funny, too.

A compound bow (with at least a couple arrows) is a good birthday present for a boy turning eight.

We’re heading down to beautiful Arkansas (The Natural State!) to see my wife’s sister and her family.

Do recall my bible verse song writing hobby?
One of the goals of this trip is to get back into the studio to record some more (my brother in law is a Radio Show Producer and a good musician). May God bless our endeavors.

See you next week!

From Pastor John’s third sermon from his series on the Gospel of John – “In Him Was Life”

. . . The other implication is that physical matter did not give rise to life. Life gave rise to matter. Once there was only life and no matter. Then that personal life created matter, and there was both life and matter.

Here is the great division between the atheistic worldview and the Christian worldview: For the atheists, everything begins with inanimate matter and energy. It’s just there. Since there was nothing there before to make it what it is, it could have been anything. It could have been Life. But atheists choose to believe that in the beginning was matter and energy. They don’t know this. They guess. They say that impersonal matter and impersonal energy are original. They are absolute. They are ultimate.

Then for billions of years, with no creator, no intelligence, no design, no purpose, no plan, there emerges from mindless, lifeless, random matter and energy not only the irreducible complexities of interdependent biological structures, but also this glorious thing called living personhood. That’s their account of life.

For Christians, it’s the other way around: First there was life, then there was physical matter and energy. First, there was living personhood. Then there was matter and energy. In the beginning was the Word, and in him was life.

Wherever you turn on this planet and see a living person, you are seeing an image of absolute reality, ultimate reality, original reality—the Word, who was with God and was God, and was Life.

Just a little reminder for all of us.


No one plots like Gaston, takes cheap shots like Gaston, likes to persecute harmless crankpots like Gaston.

Here’s the situation: My wife and I, on a date weekend last month, were in the process of leaving a hotel. After putting luggage in the trunk, I put my bag with the computer in the back seat and since I was going to be back to the vehicle in a few minutes, I decided not to lock the car.


I shut the door and walked to the hotel door, but then remembered something I had forgotten from the car. As I walked back, I thought about the dozens of windows overlooking our car and how anyone looking out would be able to figure out, when I got back out to it, that I had left the car unlocked.


So I took out my keys and pretended like I was unlocking it. I opened the door, got what I needed and went back inside.


So here’s the question – did I sin in faking the key entry? It could be argued that I did, since I was trying to deceive anyone watching and scripture indicates against this.




And yes, I know – I should just lock the car.

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