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Everything I Ever Needed To Know I Learned From Calvin – Part 14

Here we are, perched at the peak of Mount Maim! Why? Because I like to experience life to the fullest! I say you don’t fully APPRECIATE life until you risk losing it! I like to stare death straight in the eye and make him blink! If your adrenalin isn’t pumping, you’re not really living! *** Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us. *** It’s sad how some people can’t handle a little variety. *** Ow! What am I doing on the ceiling? Hmm… nothing else fell up. Just me. This is very strange. Even if I try to jump to the floor, I land back on the ceiling! My personal gravity must have reversed polarity! You’d thing this is the type of thing we’d learn about in science class, but no, we learn about cirrus clouds. *** Having my personal gravity polarity reversed is a nuisance. How am I going to get up to the floor? There’s not anything on the ceiling that I could even climb up. How am I supposed to do my homework when I’m trapped on the ceiling? It’s impossible. ***  Suffice to say I cannot add, so ask some other kid. *** I watched a nature program on TV last night. Afterward, I asked Dad if life was really nothing more than surviving long enough to reproduce before you became food for something else.  *** Oh brother! Another “discussion” about my study habits and the importance of homework. I’ve tried explaining that it’s hard to study when one’s size suddently starts increasing, but does SHE care?! Hah! No, it’s just blah blah blah, like it’s all MY fault! Mom’s never been as big as a galaxy, so she can’t understand how anyone ELSE could be! Sheesh. Oops, it looks like she’s wrapping up. Better start nodding. *** For “Show and Tell” today, I have something that will astound and amaze you! This little guy can… Have you all had your shots? *** See, it’s OK to fight just a little bit if you say you’re sorry afterward. *** Hi Mom! I’m making my own newspaper to report the events of our household. That’s nice. Now, I’m looking for a page one lead story. Can I interview you? OK, what are you cutting up there for dinner? Fish? Knife wielding mother hacks ichthyoid! Grim melee is evening ritual! Suburban family decours victim! *** Hi Dad. I’m making my own newspaper to report the events of our household. Would you help me out? Sure, what do you need? Well, you can take your pick. Either you can give me 15 bucks to pay my labor and production costs… Or you can be the subject of a comic strip called “Dopey Dad”. So in the next panel, Dopey Dad yells, “It’s bed time for YOU, young man!” Hee Hee! Look how big I made his mouth!*


*Please do not take this as an implied consent to Mockery of Fatherhood


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