The next time you are bugged by something someone says and you are tempted to think (and then say) that it’s because of the way they said it (too smarmy, or unfocused, or judgemental, or certain) consider how you would feel if they’d said something in the same manner but the content was something you agreed with. Would you still not like the way they said it?

Or is the real cause for why you don’t like their message the fact that you disagree with it?

If so, (or even if not) if you must attack, attack the content of the message, not the way it was said.