So here we have the last set of funny quotes from Pastor John. They are generally on the theme of his thoughts about being a pastor and pastoral transition. The last two are the beginning and end of a pretty good story as told by the man called to replace him, Pastor Jason Meyer, in last week’s sermon.

As usual, 3 disclaimers:

1. All quotes taken from sermons.
2. All completely taken out of context.
3. None found in the Online Sermon Texts – but many are on the videos.

17 Amusing Quotes From Pastor John Piper

• This isn’t in my manuscript. This is dangerous. My wife tells me not to do this.

• And that’s where we’re going in a moment. In fact, not a moment – a second: Number 6!

• I wanted to get rid of one of my credit cards. I called them to close it down. She said, ”Did you cash out your points?”. I said, “Points?” I had 140,000 points. That’s $1400 dollars! What would you do with $1400 dollars? I’m not going to tell you what I did.

• I’m really dealing with John Piper here. I’m the preacher. I’m going to be called to account for obeying this more than any of you. At the judgment day. Let not many of you be teachers because you will be judged more strictly. You stood before those people and gave them eleven ways this works and here’s what you did: Boom, boom, boom, boom. It’s a scary thing to be a preacher.

• [Regarding our vision statement – ‘For the joy of all peoples’] The ‘s’ in peoples was put there on purpose. That ‘s’ turns us into a missionary enterprise. That ‘s’ means everything to us.

• If the Lord wills, we will live. I will finish this sermon, if the Lord wills. If a wacko walks in the door, shoots me between the eyes, it was God’s will. So make sure you don’t say wrong things at the funeral. My wife will stand up and correct you!

• Now I know there are people who are going to say, ‘You are so naïve, Piper. You are unbelievable!’ That’s what they’re going to say when they see this on the internet tomorrow, so watch the comments.

• What we need to be at the end of the age is a people who love each other so that that community of love become a protection against deception. Or if you’d like more rhyme than that: Solid affection for believers is a protection against deception. You could almost rap that. But don’t look to me to do that. At least not unless the video is changed.

• That’s another sermon.

• It’s Sunday somewhere in the world.

• We don’t choose our texts from Emily Dickenson

• … And I want to stress – that level of peace that we’ve enjoyed – is a work of God. Because Warm Fuzzies is not in John Piper’s reservoir. That isn’t the right word. Repertoire. That’s what I meant to say. It’s not in the reservoir either… You don’t know. You just don’t know.

• We could not choose a better day on which to end my ministry. Easter. This is awesome. It’s a dream come true. I mean the only better day would be my death day. And that could still happen! In fact, I was thinking – the farewell service that we have planned could be a funeral! But you don’t want me to go to that. I’m sorry. Just – that’s the kind of imagination you’re dealing with here. So morose. Happy morose!

• [In a question/answer session with Erik Metaxis, moderated by Jason Meyer]
Jason: Okay, the next one says – John ask Erik a question and Erik ask John a question.
Erik (to Pastor John): What’s the capital of South Dakota?
John: Oh, don’t ask that. . . But I’d like to ask –
Jason: The answer is Pierre, by the way.
John: I would not have known that.
Erik: You see, this is the kind of person you need in this establishment. Get a hold of this guy. He’s a bright young thinker.

• I’ll give you a dollar – no, I’ll give you a hundred dollars if you hit one of them. (To Pastor Jason Meyer just before he threw a rock and hit an eagle that had been dive bombing them).

• “Consider pledge or flying stone.
Consider vow or diving bird.
Let it be marked, let it be known:
John Piper keeps his every word.”
(In a letter – with which the promised money was enclosed – to Jason Meyer three weeks later*)

<To see this story – watch the first three minutes (or more!) of the sermon here.>

And one more quote from just before Pastor John retired:

• Entire books have been written on this subject and endless questions are going to be raised and I’ll let Jason answer these questions for the next thirty years or so. . .

By the way, as usual, I’d love to hear what your favorites are.

If you’d like see the other Piper Quotes posts . . .
Piper Quotes 1
Piper Quotes 2
Piper Quotes 3
Piper Quotes 4
Piper Quotes 5
Piper Quotes 6

And I’d like to also recommend heading over to my Dad blog to see my “Dads and Anger” series of posts. My hope is that these posts will help Christian dads avoid sinfully acting in anger against their kids.

And if you’d like to see information about the newest Bible Verse Memory CD made by me and other people at John Piper’s church, you can go here.